Selfishness in Silence
by Obsidian-Lullaby
Summary: She looks up. His voice is raw, tinged with desperation and longing, but it's his eyes that shock her. The darkened windows into his soul; they are frayed and cauterized, a map of his mistakes, his victories. Her stare drifts to his scar. Her mark. Her victory. She is selfish, isn't she? Something she's never wanted to admit to herself, but the evidence is clear. [REYLO FORCE BOND]
1. Cure the Itch

**A/N:** Heavily inspired by Seether's 'Save Today'.

 **Canonverse / Post TLJ / Angsty Force Bond Trash**

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It's been seven months, twenty-three days, twelve hours and eleven minutes.

Should it be shocking to anyone that she remembers their parting in such stark clarity? That final weighted look in his doleful dark eyes. The slumped posture of his shoulders and his mouth drawn low at the edges, the frown he wore bringing acid to the back of her throat.

 _Why? Why did he choose this way?_

She glances up at her reflection in the small mirror beside her bunk. It's late. Again. The bruised circles cradling her eyes have not abated for weeks, but no one questions them, nor the redness in her gaze. Her plucky smile and jovial laugh can fool most, but the truth can't stay buried forever.

Sleep would come easier without the dreams, the voices. The failures.

He hates her for her betrayal, but he betrayed her, too. She rubs irritably a her face, pressing her palms cruelly into her eye-sockets. Colors bloom and swirl behind her eyelids, grim, sickly shades of green and violet. Supernovas, screaming faces, gaping mouths.

She shouldn't have been surprised when word reached them that a bounty had been put on her head. She killed Snoke? Of course he lied. He's a survivor in a world of monsters. She'd have done the same. In the chaos of cheers, Leia found her gaze from across the room and the the older woman's eyes cut right through Rey's stonewall defenses to the truth. They never spoke, but Rey felt it. Leia knew. Somehow, she knew. And there it was, _hope_ , as blinding and brilliant as a star in the darkness.

The tender ghost of a smile never left Leia's lips that night.

Still, he clings to his darkness like a shield. _Why can't he see beyond it?_

She pulls at her hair, a frustrated growl tearing from her throat and filling the empty room. The bond has been silent, as undisturbed and peaceful as death. Is he close to finding them? Does he think of her? Does he hate the silence more than she does? She opens her eyes, finding her attention drawn back to the mirror.

In the quiet moments on Jakku, she wondered who'd given her her eyes. Her mother, or her father? Unwanted tears sting with their greeting, obnoxious and unwelcome. She viciously smears them away. None of it matters now, she bites her tongue disdainfully. He'd forced her to admit the truth and it still hurts. The lie was easier, safer. She'd done it to survive, to continue on... hoping.

For so many years silence never grieved her. The marks on the wall, the dull scrape tallying another day as she waited for them. This had been her melody, a song dedicated to ghosts who didn't give a damn about her. Then, fate swept her away into a never-ending abyss, a war too big for her small world, and his sound filled her existence. She yearns to hate him for it, but that is impossible now. Perhaps, it always was.

 _So quiet._

She never expected that after... everything - the absence of his sound. She's sure her efforts to block him out had worked, but she never anticipated his equally deliberate silence. It burdens her mind as if a millstone round her neck dragging her down into murky depths, dangerous and festered with hungry things. They feast upon her thoughts, poisoning her mind with despair, with doubt.

The others had noted her abnormal quietness, Finn especially, but no one commented on it. Hiding away from the First Order and its new supreme leader dominates the center of everyone's attention these days. Rose, who Rey has come to appreciate beyond measure, has thankfully never asked her many questions about her past. With Finn, their lack of conversation never lacks in comfort and, though sometimes forced, Finn's tender smile is a welcome sight.

She sighs and falls back onto her pillow, chewing fretfully at her nails. It hasn't always been quiet. _No..._

It started a month ago, one night when she and Finn had dozed off in the Falcon cockpit, a deafening roar, the shout practically vibrating her skull and jarring her from her sleep. She'd immediately felt him prowling in his quarters, muttering to himself aloud, though howling like a madman in his mind. His rage was liquid fire, melting through her barriers and settling into her chest, burning all else away.

Then, she saw him, clear and sharp in the cold light. He turned abruptly, fists shaking in a wild frenzy, and he moved on her in two strides, towering above her as a shadow blocking out the world. She looked up at him, unwilling to avert her eyes or to fight him.

His jaw tightened. His lower lip trembled. He wanted to say the words, but he couldn't, so lost in his own treacherous sea of emotions that when she whispered his name, the moment shattered, snapping into a thousand fatal edges, and him along with it. She'd jerked around, searching for him, but he was gone, the phantom of his presence like the dim warmth of the sun on her shoulders.

He came again days later, screaming into her silence like a deepening thunder, leveling against her walls and collapsing. Then, he was gone again.

Could she reach for him now? Should she? The possibility of speaking with him thrills a part of her... and terrifies another. Why did he choose this path? "Ben?" she murmurs shyly. "Ben?"

Seconds drag by, but the room remains empty.

Disheartened but determined, she extends her thoughts. She runs a great risk doing this. She could betray their location. It's impossible to know the extent of the bond, what it can disclose to him. He destroyed the Resistance—the Rebellion now. How much farther is he willing to go?

 _How far will you go?_ her mind questions her.

 _I'm protecting the ones I care for. This is different,_ she snaps back.

 _Is it?_

The longer the moments stretch, the more convinced she becomes that he will no answer. It's impossible to know if she could deliberately contact him, anyway. The connection comes and goes as the wind. Still, she pushes, persisting into the shadows beyond the dim light overhead.

Ben...

Something crawls up from the cavernous hollow of her gut. Guilt. Profound guilt. She covers her face with her hands, emitting a tired sigh. Dammit Ben! Why?

"I could ask you the same question."

She bolts upright, startled, to find him very real and very angry staring at her from across the room, face heavy with exhaustion and hair mussed from restless hands. She blinks. He isn't sleeping, either. Good, a vengeful voice in her growls. His stare sharpens every so slightly and she looks away.

"What do you want? You summoned me here." Impatience grates his words, making them clumsy and serrated.

She opens her mouth, but no words come out.

He tilts his head, eyebrow hiking to his hairline, generous lips pressing into a thin line. "How typical. You once again have nothing to offer. You meddle in a world you don't belong and have no explanation for the aftermath. You understand nothing. You never have."

She jumps up, anger suddenly livening her veins. "How dare you! I understand! I understand more than you wish I did!" Tears sting her eyes again. "I might have come from nothing, but that doesn't mean I don't belong! I do!"

His face softens, but it's a mockery. "Oh that's right. You do understand. That's why you keep repeating the same mistakes as those before you, those who never cared for you the way you wished them to."

Her feet move without her volition, stomping over to him in righteous ire. "Are you talking about me, Ben, or you? Because from where I'm standing, you path doesn't look much different."

The tendons of his jaw betray him. "Is this why you called me here? To waste my time with your ignorance?"

Her hand itches, the fury in her burning at her throat. It's overwhelming and, before she can stop herself, her hand shoots out, connecting with his cheek in a vicious slap. His head jerks and sound explodes from the contact, reverberating around them, filling every corner of the room, tainting every hour she'd ever spent staring into the void with her knees to her chest and her hands encircling her legs. It brands the very walls, fusing them with ugly, base emotions.

He glares at her, a scant sliver of blood trickling from his mouth. "Satisfied?"

"No." she admits, her breath hitching as she looks away shamefully.

A pause. "Me neither."

Why does it have to be this way? Why can't things be different? Tears flow freely now, glistening down her cheeks despite her attempts to swallow them back, to hide them from his gaze.

"What do you want from me, Rey?"

She looks up. His voice is raw, tinged with desperation and longing, but it's his eyes that shock her. The darkened windows into his soul; they are frayed and cauterized, a map of his mistakes, his victories. Her stare drifts to his scar. Her mark. Her victory. She is selfish, isn't she? Something she's never wanted to admit to herself, but the evidence is clear.

Her eyes widen at the realization and she glances up at him, unyielding. "I already have it."

His brows furrow, his lips part and she feels the smooth coolness of gloved fingers at her cheek. She closes her eyes and leans into his palm, reaching up for his hand, but he is already gone.

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	2. Cumbersome

**A/N:** People wanted me to continue this and I'm feeling inspired, so here you go. I've no idea what I'm doing with it. It will likely remain a collection of Force Bond drabbles: no central plot, overloads of angst, sexed-up pining and quiet moments of fluff if you look hard enough.

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She awoke one night to what she was sure was him sitting with his back to her, simply just... _there_. But before her eyes could adjust, he was gone, a ghostly shadow fleeing the sunlight. Another morning while with Poe on a mission to negotiate terms for financing their cause, she'd felt a shock of pain through her knuckles. It traveled along her wrist and all the way up into her shoulder. She'd attempted to mask her expression, but Poe caught the tightening of her jaw. The pain only abated hours after the negotiations were complete and curious bruises darkened her skin, but her hand remained tender days afterward.

Tonight she sits with Rose in companionable silence, her hands folded in her lap, her hair sweaty and frazzled. Rose opposite her toys with her necklace, the old boots she wears worn thin. The maroon pullover does little to conceal her injuries she obtained from another escape from the First Order's clutches. Finn had been furious, but what are they if not defiant fools willing to sacrifice.

 _What is it about us that makes us so willing to meet the sword?_ Rey muses. _Why must we be the ones to make the stand alone?_

Rose winces as she adjusts her shoulder.

"You should go rest." Rey murmurs glancing over at her.

"No. I'm not leaving you by yourself tonight." she replies bluntly.

Rey averts her eyes, glaring at the console beside her. "I'm fine."

"You always say that." she counters. "Finn might not call you on it, but I will. Something's troubling you."

"We're all troubled Rose."

She shakes her head. "Beyond that. I'm not blind, Rey."

And she thought Rose would be the least troublesome with her questions. _Ironic..._ like so many things in her life, she supposes. On the dunes of Jakku life was simple, an endless loop of survival she came to appreciate. How could she not? To disregard it meant death. Simple. Basic. Hunger had been her constant companion then, her sole purpose. _Now...?_

"Rey?"

She looks up, finding Rose's shrewd eyes assessing her, filing away even the most minute facial change. Rey swallows dryly, plastering a smile on her face she knows Rose won't believe, but it doesn't matter. "I'm fine, Rose. Really," and before Rose can oppose her she gets to her feet. "I'm actually a little tired, now. You should get some rest, too."

Rey never stops, Rose's stern tone as she calls her name following her all the way to her quarters.

The door slides down behind her with a hiss and she's finally alone. The glass window before her shows a vastly lit city, magnificent and glittering against the night sky, but she finds it overwhelming. She'd rather sit in the darkness staring up at the stars. _There is a true city_ , she thinks. An endless land of possibilities and planets never before charted. How many nights has she looked up to those stars and wished... so many things.

Changing into her nightwear, she collapses onto her bed, not even bothering with the ratty quilt to protect her from the abnormal winter cold of this place. The Skywalker lightsaber glints at her from the table across the room, its two halves summoning an ache in her heart. They look so lonely, so violent in their separation. She turns away, facing the wall.

Sleep eventually finds her, but it is as restless and churning as the sea.

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* * *

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She dreamed of him again, making it the third time this week and they are only getting worse. A part of her wonders if he can feel them, too. She blushes at that. The dreams are only pieces, jagged reflections of a whole, but each time he comes closer... or maybe she does. It's never clear, only the feelings are explicit. And they are slowly suffocating her.

Finn comes up from behind and hugs her shoulders. "You're really quiet."

Rey attempts a smile. "Just tired."

The silence between them grows heavy before he replies. "We've made the right choices, Rey."

She nods, but isn't entirely convinced. The path she has chosen holds no doubt, but the journey feels incomplete. There is a part missing. _A_ s _omeone._ She shakes her head and squeezes Finn's hand reassuringly. "It's not about the right choices. It's about living with ourselves after it's over."

His arms tighten around her. "You can talk to me, Rey. Everyone can tell, you know."

Rey pulls apart his arms and steps away to face him, smiling awkwardly. "It isn't something you should worry over. I'm fine. Besides, we have bigger problems."

"Rey-

"Finn! I need your help with something." Poe abruptly bursts into the room. "Come on, man!"

Finn departs with a conflicted glance back at Rey and she sighs, but not quite in relief.

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* * *

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Minutes tick by. They feel longer than they should, longer than the day before, and the day before that.

The broken lightsaber stares up at her pitifully and she covers it back up with its cloth. The fractured kyber crystal rests in the palm of her hand. _Where do I go from here?_ _We cannot keep up this endless fighting. What's the point of all this?_ There must be a middle ground. There has to be. She closes her eyes as her fingers furl around the crystal halves.

She'd been careless when she went to him, her rash optimism clouding the more rational seat of her brain. She should have known better. Ben wasn't ready and now look at the outcome. If only she'd considered the aftermath of what killing Snoke would do to him. She had been impulsive, foolish, and in her own disappointment she'd wounded him. Snoke had been right. Through her lack of wisdom, she took the bait, but even Snoke couldn't have foreseen this tragedy. His mark on Ben remains, regardless. _The evil bastard._

Setting the crystals back into their housing, she proceeds to the fresher for a shower. Steam fills the room, warming the air and fogging the vanity before her. She stands for a long time merely listening to the sounds around her, feeling the steady hum of life, death... the other in-between.

 _The other._

 _Balance._

She shimmies out of her pants and grabs the hem of her shirt, turning as she does so to hoist up a towel from the lower cabinet with her foot, but she stops, the air around her siphoning into a vacuum of silence and she _knows_. Goose-flesh blankets her shoulders and everything lessens until there is only the steady hum of that familiar sound. His sound. Her breath catches in her throat as she drops the hem of the shirt, embarrassment suffusing her cheeks with red.

He stands before her, his eyes darting up to her face in surprise. His lips are red, too, blushing red.

"Do you mind?" Rey's voice cracks and she snatches the towel up with shaky fingers to wrap around her middle.

His eyes change then, lids drooping lazily and mouth parting over a restless tongue, working behind his teeth. "You were thinking about me." he offers blandly, his eyebrow ticking up.

She doesn't understand the suggestion in his tone, but she doesn't either. "Well, I'm not now and I need privacy."

He tilts his head, the bags under his eyes so very heavy. "This isn't exactly something either of us can control."

No need to argue him there. "Can you just go out into the other room, or... something?" Why did he have to catch her like this? Her nipples harden as her senses heighten without her volition and she bites her lip, hard. Her shirt is thin... too thin.

His stare drifts down as if hearing her thoughts and the burning whiskey of his eyes darkens to a wild, churning abyss. Her heart accelerates.

"Please leave." Thankfully the firmness of her voice has returned.

He glances back up to her, slowly. A curious animal suddenly possesses him, a dangerous and primal creature. She senses it like an oppressive moonrise through the pulse of their connection, drowning her with dark promise, and she steps back defensively. Heat stirs below her navel, working her throat and tongue, but her mouth is too dry to swallow.

"You can still come to me." his voice grates like steel forged in fire and his chin shivers, lips deepening in color.

She stares, transfixed. "Ben..."

His lashes flicker and he reaches out blindly, taking a staggering step forward.

Rey recedes, her back coming flush with the wall behind her. The steam of the room is so cumbersome now, suffocating. She has to remember to breathe.

Ben's chest rises and falls with ragged breaths. She can hear them now, echoing around her, willing her legs to press tightly together, curling her fingers into the towel covering her until they are bone white. _No. This is too far, too far._ She clamps her eyes shut, pushing against his presence with all her might.

"Don't!" he whispers frantically, close now. "Rey, please!" A hand ghosts along her shoulder, electric against her skin as it travels up her neck. Bare skin. No gloves. She can smell him, his scent a signature mix of leather and an underlying musk. Selfish. Rough. Wanton. "Come to me, Rey."

Her heart hammers, a frantic bird trapped behind brittle ribs. "No."

"Please." he beseeches her, his raw desperation weakening her knees.

"No." she trembles.

His fingers press against her lips, opening the seam of her mouth. "Look at me, Rey."

She turns away, defiant, but he surprises her, planting a chaste kiss at the nape of her neck. Her eyes snap open. Neither of them move. He exhales, his breaths moistening her skin and his teeth so close. She dares to turn to him and he lifts his head. Their noses brush. She can taste his heat in the air, his want. A shocking revelation curls from the depths of her stomach into her chest and she inhales a gasp. _I can bring him to his knees... I already have._

It's an ancient and powerful feeling, an understanding that livens her blood like lightning to a storm. She closes the distance between them, their lips a mere beat away from each other-

And Ben suddenly jerks backward. Rey blinks, gaping at him in confusion. His eyes dart from her to something behind her and anger sharpens his features until he looks positively monstrous. _Kylo Ren._ No, not something behind her. Someone. And on cue, his expression swiftly seals shut, all the fire in his eyes dying. Only darkness there, now.

"Ben." Rey whispers.

His shoulders stiffen remotely, but that is the only indication he gives her. Then, he fades.

She lingers against the wall for a long time, the water running cold before she finally tip-toes into the shower.

* * *

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	3. The In-Between

**A/N:** Damn! I'm glad everyone is enjoying this little project! I never expected to get all this great feedback! I'd like to thank all of you for the wonderful reviews! Now, without further adieu, here is part iii.

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"Rey!"

Poe's voice startles her, causing her to drop the Harris wrench in her hand. A curse slips from her tongue as she clumsily hits her head while retrieving it.

"Hey! Everything okay? You die down there or something?"

"I'm fine!" she calls up to him as his head appears through the portal. "Just finishing up."

"What's taking so long? You need some help?"

"No, no. I'm almost done." she waves her hand dismissively.

"If you need-

"Poe? Rey done yet? Tell her to hurry up and get down to the mess hall!" Finn hollers from outside the Falcon.

Her eyes connect with Poe's and he shrugs. "I guess you should hurry. I can still help out, you know."

She looks back to the job at hand. "No need. Tell Finn I'll be there in a moment. You can start without me."

"Start without you?" Poe sputters, affronted. "This is your party. We're not starting without you."

Rey replies with a meager smile and, despite Poe's lack of confidence in it, he gets up and goes to Finn. She can feel their conversation more than hear it as they make their way to the others who also wait for her. To be honest, she's been avoiding them all day. Their current headquarters is another abandoned Rebel base, though this one lacks the armor Crait had. Money is a hard thing to come by, which is exactly why she was furious when she found out Finn and the others had planned a special day for her, not quite a birthday, but something to celebrate _her_.

She finds it odd, celebrating one's birth, though her lack of loving parents more than cemented that reality. Rose calls it her birthday, saying that it doesn't have to be the true date, but one she chooses. The prospect still makes Rey uncomfortable, though the idea of choosing a day for herself, relinquishing the ugliness of the world around them for a few precious hours, it does relieve the tension filling her heart.

If only for a short time.

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* * *

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She hasn't felt him in weeks. After their last encounter she shamelessly hoped he would come back, restless in the night to haunt her and whisper his plea. _Come to me. Join me._

 _Please..._

The word hangs over her like a feverish shadow, teasing her senses with possibilities, possibilities she's never considered... until now. Hot and unbridled potential that spreads a throbbing heat from her core to pulse endlessly through her veins. A Siren song, so ancient and buried in her bones that her mind can only follow after it blindly, her instincts beckoning her fingers to do things she dare not do. Had never thought of doing before.

Rey turns restlessly on her bunk. She prefers sleeping in the Falcon with Chewie, but tonight he wanders the streets gloomily. There are moments in time when loss takes over, choking you to the point of utter desperation, and you have to keep walking.

She turns again, beating her pillow angrily with her fists before falling back onto it.

What would Han say to this? What could he say? And Luke? He left with peace and purpose, but what of the rest of them? What of her? She has looked up to the sky for years hoping to be something beyond herself. Now she is and the weight of such purpose is rending her heart in two.

"Ben..." she whispers aloud, the lump of tears aching in her throat.

Silence answers with cold indifference, the darkness surrounding her, feeding on her.

"I know." she breathes, caring little if he hears her or not. She has to say this aloud, or the words will rot her from the inside. "I know you're lonely. I know you're suffering. I know you think it's too late." She swallows, but the lump refuses to disappear, making her words like sand in her throat. "I know you hate yourself for what you've done, but you're still here. No matter how far you run, you're still here."

 _And I'm still here._

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* * *

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His absence begins to frighten her. He wants to be near her. She can feel it, a raw and echoing pain through their connection, but she can feel the betrayal, too, the hurt. And what of the moments when she sits in the dark, the silence, yearning?

 _So selfish._

A cruel smile twists her lips. _Yes I am._

She would have argued passionately that time only runs slow in a place like Jakku. That war is a hasty thing where weeks are like minutes and days like seconds, punctuated violently by those explosions, that fire. It can burn the mind, send it into a febrile madness. Yet the laziness of the day spites her.

Her hands are bruised again, the howling ache in her wrist suggesting further damage, but not hers. No, not hers. She glances down at them. Empty.

A supply run ended in catastrophe earlier this week with ten of their new recruits dead. Finn blames himself, but they cannot stop to mourn. It's often these strange pockets in-between, these inconsequential battles that amount little to the war, which can cut one too deep. The plan had been flawless, the execution equally so, but even perfection bleeds.

 _And he was there._

She spotted him in the distance after the trap had been thrown. A stormtrooper came upon her suddenly aiming for her chest, but he never got the chance. His body flung against the wall with a sickening crack. Even across the distance, she felt Ben's eyes fixed on her, branding her with his hailstorm of emotions and Finn... Finn went into a rage. It took everything she had to convince him to flee.

She didn't dare look back to see Ben's gaze following after her. _Why was he there?_

A porg hops up onto her bunk and she dispassionately shoos it away. It squawks fussily before waddling over to the her belt which Rose had fashioned to hold a lightsaber for her as a gift on her celebration day. Not that it has a lightsaber to hold. _Not yet_ , Finn had said with a smile. Rey's lips turn up at that.

 _Hope._ She lives on it. They all do.

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* * *

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And then, like the inevitable attraction of gravity, he finds her.

She wakes one night to her body dangling precariously off her bunk and the aching strain of her neck. She attempts to roll back over, but something solid and warm restricts her movement.

She blinks.

A mess of raven hair and parted lips. Deep breathing.

Her eyes widen.

She should have known. The world is too quiet. _Of course it is._ This is their place. _The in-between._

She stares at his sleeping form, unsure of how to accept him. These interactions grow deeper each time, more visceral... almost to the point of-

 _No._ She shakes her head. Thinking that way is too dangerous, for both of them.

But wasn't it Luke who saw Ben that night, too, reaching for her hand? Yes. He'd seen him. As clearly as he saw Rey. What can it mean? The limitlessness of the answer exhilarates and petrifies her, each possibility more earth-shattering than the one before it.

Their last interaction resurfaces in vivid detail: the longing in his eyes, the sharpness of his scent. He wanted to kiss her and he meant to. There was no hesitation, only purpose. Recalling the ghostly tingle of his lips at her neck she sits up, careful not to disturb him, but he is so utterly lost to exhaustion that a planetary implosion wouldn't have roused him.

A gusty sigh departs his lips and he turns his head away from her.

Her scar on him stands out in the dark, a definite line of shadow and light traveling along his pale cheek, and ending in a violent curl below his collar bone. She swallows. Her fingers itch to touch it, to memorize its texture, but she furls them beneath her blankets.

Chewie's sleepy noises float to her from the bunk across the way and she closes her eyes. If he wakes up and sees this-

She shakes her head, taking a steadying breath, before opening her eyes again. Ben still sleeps soundly, his brows drawn in a permanent scowl and his generous lips murmuring wordlessly. _Nightmares._ It shouldn't be surprising to her that they plague him even in these late hours. Her hand reaches out, fingers carding through his hair unconsciously, and she leans in close. A clammy sheen of sweat coats his face and chest.

Her fingers press gingerly against his temples. If she concentrates, perhaps she can banish the nightmares.

Closing her eyes, she focuses her awareness, the tendrils of her mind uncoiling from her and slipping around him, tethering him to her. Cold, razor-edged images instantly cleave into her like ice to her veins, but she holds her focus, pushing them back. They appear like gargantuan monsters towering over him, lessening him. She breathes out evenly, sending her awareness deeper into him and then she feels it - a stir of shock, of delight.

 _Rey..._

The shadows begin to ease, slowly at first, until the monstrosities eating away at him dissolve into a tranquil darkness and the tension rolls off of him in waves.

She opens her eyes.

A ghost of a smile rests on his lips.

A mirroring smile teases her face and she caresses his cheek without thought. The ridges of the scar are soft but definite; she finds she likes the texture, a lot. Her fingers grow more curious, trailing after her eyes as they wander down below his collar bone. Her palm settles on his skin and she glances up at his face. His eyes shift fitfully beneath his eyelids, but his lips are silent. Peaceful.

Her hand slides over his chest to his heart. It beats strong and steady. She lets her eyes drift closed and doesn't open them again. It couldn't hurt to sit here for a while, counting the beats and listening to him this way, hushed and serene.

 _No. It couldn't hurt._

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	4. Shadow on the Wall

**A/N:** A little smut tease this chapter and a lot of angst. Poor Ben crumbles to pieces when he finds out about his mother. You have been warned! _About Today by The National_ was a big influence on the ending scene, so please give it a listen to set the mood before you read it.

 **ONE LAST TIME (WARNING!):** SEXUAL CONTENT, REY UNKNOWINGLY BEING A TEASE OF THE WORST KIND, HORNY AF AND OVERPROTECTIVE BEN SOLO WITH ALL THAT ENERGY AND NO WHERE TO PUT IT *DROPS MIC* ... and character death *CRIES INTO THE VOID*

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* * *

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He kissed her in her sleep. She'd felt it, a whisper against her soul begging for warmth, and she indulged him. The next morning she wakes to his loneliness shadowing her steps, the kiss forgotten.

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"The bounty on your head has tripled." Leia affirms with a stern softness. "I refuse to have you traveling alone."

"So you make up some excuse to have me travel with you on this mission instead?" Rey cocks an eyebrow.

She smiles. "I need someone I trust with me. Besides, I can't have you running off on your own right now and getting hurt. You're too important."

Rey catches the shift in her tone with the word 'important' and the true meaning behind it. She glances outside the cockpit to the destination, a tawny planet where Maz Kanata currently resides, and asks a question that has been lingering at the back of her mind for months. "Do you miss him?"

"Every day." Leia replies without hesitation.

Rey fidgets nervously, still looking at the stars. "What was he like... before?"

"He was perceptive, willful, and he had his father's penchant for trouble. I always knew when he was up to something." Leia pauses, turning her eyes on Rey. "My son could never hide his true feelings."

Rey peers furtively at the her from beneath low lashes. "His face is rather expressive."

Leia smiles again, a painful smile. "Han's was, too."

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.

Jakku feels like some faraway tale of someone else, some other girl who waited too long in the desert, but where Rey stands now doesn't exactly feel real, either.

The weapon crackles softly, a strange lamenting purr Rose says reminds her of the birds from her home planet. Rey stares down at the dual blades, her lip caught between worried teeth. They sizzle erratically, damaged and colorless. A part of her feels guilty, ashamed even. The kyber crystal fragments now housed in her staff had meant something special to Luke, to his father. It represents a piece of his family. Things like that cannot simply be erased.

Her heart swells painfully at the thought. _It represents a piece of Ben._

In the castle on Takodana the lightsaber beckoned her, in the snow on Starkiller Base it chose her over the scion of its creator and in Snoke's throne room, strained by their battle of wills, the lightsaber splintered apart. She hadn't thought in that moment, she'd only acted, driven by a desire to protect those close to her, _her family_. And Ben... His eyes—she swallows. They conveyed nothing but raw pain, betrayal. _Rage._

 _I know everything I need to know about you._

 _You do? Oh, you do..._

Her shoulders deflate. Assumption. Brashness. These things have cost her... _and him._ Every decision requires a payment; no choice goes without consequence. By this war's end what payment will she be willing to give? The thought terrifies her. And what of her hubris? _Yes, hubris._ The memory of Ben's anguished expression pervades her mind, forming a lump in her throat.

 _Consequence._

Simplicity and complexity, right and wrong, good and evil—constructs of the subjective mind and yet absolutes. A lie cannot exist without some kernel of truth. The war is a falsehood, but it stems from a truth. Therein lies the sophistication, the malevolent nature of the machine at the center of it all, always hungering, never satisfied.

"Ben." she whispers, deactivating the weapon. _This can't be all there is. Not for you, or me, or any of us. There must be more. There has to be._

.

* * *

.

"That's not how the Force works, Rose!"

"How would you know, Finn?"

"This argument doesn't involve you, Poe!"

"It's a fair question."

"Rey!"

"I'm not a part of this argument, either."

.

* * *

.

She tosses. She turns. She lies flat on her back, then sits up and beats irritably at her pillow, but nothing seems to calm her mind. Casting rueful eyes at her shadow on the wall she relinquishes a dramatic sigh.

He haunts her tonight like a relentless phantom, a storm driven mad with hunger, twisting, flickering and wild with thunder. _But where is he?_ She closes her eyes. They've been avoiding each other like two wayward satellites, stubbornly unwilling to indulge fate. She misses him. It's a different kind of longing compared to those she now calls family. It's a ravenous yearning, distracting her from everyday tasks and even conversations.

 _This hunger is half yours_ , her mind whispers petulantly.

Silence.

 _Unsurprising._

Her fingers dance over her belly, shy and hesitant as she plays with the hem of her trousers. She's refused to alleviate the ache. Since the night she found herself wet and alone after the cave, seeking his companionship by the fire, she has resisted the urge to follow this sensation to its end. One morning she'd tentatively explored the possibilities of her sex in the fresher before losing her nerve and abandoning the idea.

But not tonight.

Her heart twitters erratically against her ribs as her hand slips under the worn material of her bottoms and she inhales determinedly, licking her lips. _Shame be damned._

The mere warmth of her fingertips tickling her thigh makes her hips cant forward on impulse and she gasps. A delicious tingle blossoms out from her core, hastening through her body, ushering her to rub her thighs together, to run her other hand beneath her shirt, to flick her fingers over her nipples.

She sighs again, her eyelids fluttering closed. _Shame be damned..._

A moan escapes her as her fingers slip over the bud of her sex and she presses down hard. The sensation is immediate and overwhelming. Her head jerks back as her heels dig into the sheets, her hips angling forward and her fingers slipping along the folds of her entrance. The dampness there feels like warm silk. She'd always assumed it would be unpleasant, but it isn't.

Her back arches off the bed as she presses her bud again, unconsciously rotating with her index and middle finger. Pleasure laces along her bones in ways that leave her speechless and she continues, riding the feeling out with shaking hips until she her entire body is an exposed live-wire of pure awareness. Her breath hitches as she plunges her index finger between her folds.

"Ben!" she mewls, swallowing back another moan for fear of waking someone.

His face floats up from the darkness of her mind, his evocative lips, his doleful eyes, his scar. _Her mark._ Yes. _Hers._

She bites down on her lower lip until a pained fire spreads through her jaw and she's writhing, desperate to reach the unknown cusp of whatever this is. She imagines his hands on her, his hair tickling her neck, his weight pressing her back down onto the bed, his heat drowning her. Anything, everything. Her fingers work faster, harder, torturing her to a point of insane frenzy as new images overwhelm her mind. Devious images she's never even dreamed: Ben kneeling between her legs, his teeth nipping at her inner thighs and his lips kissing her _there_. His tongue—

 _Rey._ Her eyes snap open.

Then it hits her, an uncontrollable and unexpected ecstasy so bewildering her mouth falls open as a low moan drags from her chest, rich and shocking to her own ears. Her body arches completely off the bed until only her feet and head are touching the sheets as a rolling tremble echoes through her limbs, melting down her calves and beckoning her feet onto their toes. The feeling pulses ruthlessly from her core, fusing in her a permanent reminder of its power... and her need for it.

She collapses moments later, her chest quivering with her heart's fitful pace and her tongue working hazily over her lips. Closing her eyes, she listens to the tranquil darkness surrounding her. Only her breaths exist in this vacuum, but his voice had called to her. She'd heard its serrated edge, felt it like a phantom caress along her spine.

It was hunger, pure hunger.

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* * *

.

Days later, she awakens in the depths of the night to a throbbing lust so urgent she finds her hands already moving along her body, the fever dream fresh in her mind. _His dream._

They'd met in the darkness between existence, his voice casting away her logic as his covetous hands sought her warmth, rendering her a desperate mess of greedy noises she never thought possible. He tasted her in ways that made her claw at him, demanding to have his inquisitive mouth everywhere. Her cheeks flame at the memory, at her boldness in screaming his name and her body as it betrayed her restraint with her hips arching to meet his kiss.

She climaxes, biting back a scream as his smoky growl suddenly fills her mind. _'You're mine!'_ Possessive. Reverent.

Inhaling a shaky breath, she curls back into the sheets and faces her shadow at the wall. "And you're mine." she whispers in reply.

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* * *

.

 _Life is cruel._

She always thought she knew that, each choice behind her having taught her the valuable if bitter reality of Fate's indifference towards those the world calls _heroes._ How naive she was... Unfortunate things happen to good people and, if Fate's feeling just sportive enough, horrible, unfortunate things happen to the best people.

She wakes to the soft, golden glow of an overhead lamp and the faint stench of a musty room. The cot she lies upon grates at her bare back and the worst migraine in her life hammers at her skull. It takes a moment for her eyes to focus before she finds him, a distant specter in the corner of the room drenched in shadow, the soft contours of his lips hardened by a pallid frown. His eyes are haunted and distant, frighteningly so.

"Ben?" A violent cough breaks his name to pieces and she clamps her eyes shut as a hot streak of pain explodes behind her vision.

"Lie still and don't talk. You've been out for several hours." his voice cuts like ice.

She attempts to swallow, but an angry ball of thorns blocks her throat. "What happened... Where—

"Do you take your lack of deference as a virtue?" he snaps. "You've suffered injury. To what extent, I'm unsure, but—

"Where's Chewie? Leia?" Rey's mind spirals into a panic.

His expression flickers and hardens again, but the edges falter. _He's crumbling._ "I can only see you, remember? The moment you were injured, I... felt it." He hesitates, drawing his shoulders in and crossing his arms. "You called my name." There it is again, the betrayal of his eyes. Then, through the haze she spots them. _Tears._ They waver precariously, but are too stubborn to fall.

"Ben..." she swallows successfully this time, but now there is a second lump in her throat. "What happened? Where is Leia?"

 _You already know_ , her mind murmurs traitorously.

He drops his gaze away, his imposing height seeming to shrink, to wither, and she strains to sit up, her heart pounding in her ears. "Answer me, Ben!" The words cut like razors and she coughs painfully.

Cool hands catch her shoulders and ease her back onto the cot. She reaches for his face without thought, the contact sending an electric current through her bones, and she indeed finds a telltale wetness on his cheeks. He presses his face into her palms, his miserable dark eyes bare and open to her. Sobs rack her shoulders as she pulls him down into an embrace, cradling his head against her neck. He allows it, gingerly circling his arms at her waist and pulling her flush to his chest, his shaking hands balling into fists... and he shatters into a million grief-stricken pieces.

* * *

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	5. Taste

**A/N:** Thanks for all the reviews! They give this story life! And thank you especially for the reviews appreciating Ben's and Rey's characterization. I go the extra mile to make sure they are as in-character as I can make them. The previous chapter was rewritten 4x just to get them to a place I felt respected their true nature. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm _very_ particular about how I portray their dialogue and physical responses to situations. Also, this project was only meant to be a one-shot, so there won't be too many chapters left. I will leave this story on a happy note, I promise.

 **SONG INSPIRATION:** OOO AAA - Cathedrals

 **WARNINGS:** explicit sexual content

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* * *

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Ben didn't order the attack that claimed Leia's life. He didn't have to say it out loud to Rey. Not that he could, his hot cheek pressed to hers in that tiny room, fists quaking so severely she'd thought the world itself was coming apart. In her heart, Rey had known all along.

She'd cradled him, stroking his hair while his guttural sobs and gnashing teeth tore at her heart until it was as raw as his screams. Time seemed to slow in those moments, cocooning them in a strange place of infinity, a hidden hollow within the ether. She'd felt... _safe_. His fingers sought for her face as her tears mingled with his, dark sad eyes pouring into her all the ashes of a broken man. And she found something inside her take wing, withdrawing from her to envelop him, to shield him.

In the silence that followed, his feverish whispers were a dull throb to her already aching heart. "I'd thought she—before Snoke... I thought..."

Embracing him, she'd ignored the bitter wail of her injuries and turned her lips to his ear. "I'm here, Ben. Right here."

The sky rains with petals, a storm of color against the sun's rise. Rey's thoughts drift back to the present. How cruel of Fate to begin anew despite an old life departing like the quiet of the night, lingering just beyond the vanishing shadows.

She stands beside Finn, Rose and Lieutenant Konnix, Kay as she prefers to be called. Rose weeps quietly as Finn holds her, his eyes never leaving the ground, and Kay watches after Poe with a shrewd gaze, but the quiver of her lower lip betrays her. Poe remains with the funeral procession. As the recently appointed leader of the Rebellion he will give the formal farewell speech.

Rey absorbs the scene with a sorrowful curiosity, her tears spent some days before. People line the sidewalks in dark though ornate garb, some with their hair in elaborate twists and braids. Rebel pilots stand at attention in full uniform and fellow allies of the late general bow their heads in respect. Jakku never knew such splendor. Stories told on holograms do no justice to seeing these rituals first hand. If not for the somber occasion, they'd be breath-taking. _They still are._

Her mind drifts to Ben and she swallows the lump forming in her throat. _You should be here._

The previous conversation with Leia echoes in Rey's mind. _'My son could never hide his true feelings.'_

She glances away to the dusky edges of the sky, her chest aching.

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* * *

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"It would help if we had someone high up on the inside. Someone who knew Kylo Ren's movements." Poe's voice quakes, the anger in him threatening to overflow.

Rey averts her eyes to the others in the room: Finn, Rose and Kay. Since Poe has taken charge of the Rebellion he's become much more fiercely driven. They do not speak of it, but she's caught the hidden side glances Rose gives him when Rose thinks no one is looking. The two women lock eyes. Rose purses her lips and Rey exhales a quiet breath, attempting to steady her whirling emotions. The pain of her injuries might be gone, but these emotions...

"We'd been completely blindsided!" Poe snarls, kicking a chair into the wall. "No one could have known about Leia's movements! Only the people in this room knew!"

"Hux has spies everywhere." Kay interjects, ignoring Poe's outburst. "One of them must have gotten the information somehow. Our organization has been ragtag at best since the destruction of D-Qar. It wouldn't be a stretch to consider a mole overhearing one of our meetings."

"It still got Leia killed." Finn adds darkly. "It almost took out Rey and Chewie, too."

"Yeah." Poe looks at Rey. "We almost lost our biggest piece on the board."

Rey glares up at him as he looks back around at the others. There have been moments in conversation when Rey has felt unsettled by comments made from other members of the Rebellion, not only Poe. It has chewed at the back of her mind since her heroism on Crait, only now surging to the forefront with Leia gone.

 _I'm not just some piece_ , she growls.

"The few spies we have within the First Order can't get close enough to Hux or Kylo Ren. Both are equally suspicious of who is around them." Kay continues.

Rose interjects. "Sending spies in wasn't wise to begin with. If they're found out, Hux could easily get information on our movements."

"As far as Kylo Ren is concerned, word is Hux runs the show, even if that means behind the supreme leader's back." Finn says.

Poe scoffs bitterly. "Too bad that hasn't helped us thus far. They still know who their real enemy is."

.

* * *

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She wakes to him sitting on her bunk with his back to her. His hair points wildly in all directions and the cut of his profile stands pallid and hollow in the faint light. Sighing groggily, she stretches and curls her body around him, the normalcy of her actions whispering at the back of her mind, warning her, but she cannot help the innate desire to comfort him, to, at the very least, offer some warmth to that coldness.

How many nights in a row is this? The times before she would simply lie there in silence, facing him as he stared distantly at the opposite wall, his hands limp and dangling before his knees and his lips parting, closing, parting, trembling. Every night his face glistened with muted tears and every night she reached up to wipe those tears away. Neither of them spoke and she offered no other comfort, only the tenderness of her touch.

Tonight, she whispers softly. "Can't sleep?" An obvious question, though it fills the silence.

He doesn't reply, instead turning slowly and gazing down at her with such intensity her heart stutters from its own slumber. She holds his gaze, hands furling beneath her pillow. The air grows heavy around them, a different species of silence now, and his fingers journey languidly up to her hair, teasing the sensitive skin of her neck. Her eyes slip closed at the sensation. Any resistance she might have mustered seconds before dissipates and a contented moan vibrates her throat.

"You've always wanted to know what it feels like to have someone run their fingers through your hair." he murmurs, a dulcet hum. "You once saw a father and daughter at the outpost, off-worlders. You knew they couldn't have come from a place like Jakku."

She snuggles into him, her nose brushing his thigh.

"You envied her." His fingertips massage along her scalp, eliciting another moan from her lips. "You envied me, too." The tone of his voice drops so low she loses him through the fog of near-sleep. "Your hate for me stemmed from your envy, but a moral reason is more justified, isn't it?"

Her eyes snap open, ready to level him with a venomous glare, and the impulse dies instantly. Ben's face hovers inches from hers, a phantom smirk ghosting his lips. Her heart flutters anxiously within the cage of her ribs. She hadn't felt him move, his voice distant only seconds before... or minutes. Drowsiness tends to distort such things.

"We all have envy for something." Her chest rises and falls unsteadily.

He leans closer, his lips brushing hers as he speaks. "Yes."

Her gaze flickers to his mouth at the sensation and heat suffuses her cheeks. That heat hastens down her spine to the delicate cradle of her hips, settling there, growing, spreading like a lovely wildfire. She inhales. He exhales, his breath tickling her tongue. She tastes the first hints of him. Dark, primal, a caged animal trapped in the confines of his own shadow, desperate, clawing.

There it is again, the curious stirring beneath her navel. The kind that finds her in a sacred place where the unnamed power and purpose resonates. It weaves its way through her veins, livening her blood with delightful, reckless possibilities and she recalls the dreams, the nights alone as she found release, and the desire for his touch as the pleasure peaked, as she rode it out and lay alone afterward, the air cold around her.

 _'Why is the Force connecting us? You and I?'_

She meets his gaze unabashedly as his words play across her mind and burns into him the explicit certainty of what their connection means. What it will always mean. _Yes, always._ He shivers, the rhythm of his breaths deepening, strong shoulders rigid as he absorbs every emotion swirling within her. A churning sea of memories, of questions, answers... _of purpose_.

She responds instinctively, circling her arms at his neck and dragging him down. He captures her lips in an open-mouthed kiss, but it is she who claims him, tasting and biting without restraint. He growls feverishly, hoisting her up and placing her onto his lap before she can blink. Her breath hitches at the intimacy of the position, shocked momentarily by the devastating intensity of his heat and the... hardness of his arousal.

"Rey?" his voice tickles her neck, ragged, untamed.

She shrinks away unconsciously, her chest tightening with doubt. The hazy fantasies she has entertained for months of this moment never came with doubt. She bites furiously at her lip, avoiding his eyes as he pulls back to look at her. The shadows cutting the contours of his body, smoothing the lines of his scars, do curious things with her desire. Her fingers trail absently along his shoulders, downcast lashes hiding her gaze from him.

"Rey?" a hint of unease.

Hesitantly, she meets his stare. He searches her face, but the reverberation of her feelings through the bond leaves little room for inquiry. He simply wants to see her eyes, to look into them directly.

His hands cup her cheeks, tender, patient. "Come to me." he whispers.

Her lashes flutter and she leans her cheek into his touch, relishing the sweep of his thumbs as they caress the skin below her eyes. Of course he would ask. And of course the ability to deny him grows ever dimmer. _Stop being so afraid, Rey_ , her mind hisses.

His lips brush her ear as he leans in again, pulling her against him. "I was afraid." Emotion tears his voice apart, the confession uttered so quietly she has to strain to hear it. "I'd thought..." he breathes her in. "I can't lose you." His arms tighten around her. "I won't."

 _I've already destroyed my family._ His thoughts ring clearly in her mind. _I've made so many mistakes. And I can't take them back._

She finds herself nuzzling his hair, marveling at how this strange bond can allow two people such a forbidden thing. He feels so real, his scent intoxicating her resolve and dwindling her defiance to a mere shimmer in the dark. She inhales, determined. "I will not come to you."

Ben goes still, every muscle in his body fossilizing to stone.

She licks her lips, choosing her words carefully. "But I'll meet you, if you'll meet me."

He searches her face, understanding dawning on him. Her words hang suspended around them, filling the air with promise. This path, wherever it leads, feels _right_. But... a conversation for another time. Right now, they have a secret moment to themselves between the night and daylight, and she refuses to waste it. Taking his lips boldly, she presses her body flush to his. _Yes, another time..._

He groans into her mouth, grabbing her hips and yanking her to him. She gasps, the throbbing at her core overwhelming her senses, dominating her entirely. This need, so deep and endless; it should frighten her. It did, not moments before. She bites him, hard. He jerks her hips to him again and they soon find themselves in rhythm, his hands hot as they glide under her shirt, along her back and her own ruthlessly pulling at his hair.

How could she fear such a thing?

His teeth find her neck as his fingertips graze her ribs and she feels him shift position, lying her gingerly back onto her bed. She arches off the sheets, grabbing for him.

He takes her wrists, gazing down at her intently, his breaths labored. "Do you trust me?"

The question catches her off guard and her heart wavers. _What are you doing?_ her mind whispers.

"Do you trust me?" he repeats huskily, a roguish smirk tugging his lips.

She scowls, willful. "That depends."

His smirk widens to a grin and she stares, taken aback. Has he ever smiled in front of her? _No._ She shifts impatiently. _He should do it more._

Her stomach dips as she senses his fingers loop at the hem of her trousers and he holds her gaze, questioning. She swallows thickly, nodding. _No more fear. No more doubt._

He kisses her cheek before trailing down her neck to her belly, his pace slow and deliberate. As his teeth graze the jut of her hip she realizes what he intends to do, a forgotten dream bursting to the forefront of her mind, and a fiery blush consumes her face.

"Ben?" her hands curl into the sheets, legs trembling.

He glances up at her and his words echo in her mind. _Do you trust me?_ The heavy lust in his eyes ravages any coherent thought she possesses and she does everything she can to control her heart. His stare never leave hers as he begins easing the hem of her bottoms down and her pulse gallops. She suddenly sees images of her face, open-mouthed and euphoric the nights he sensed her, studied her, absorbed everything, every sound, every movement, the tiniest hints of change as her pupils dilated until she peaked, then her lashes fluttering closed, breaths shallow and ragged, skin dewy with sweat. And her smell—the musk of her arousal invading every nuance of his thoughts, pervading like sunlight.

He wants to taste her. He _needs_ to taste her.

She catches flickers of something else, his own solitary nights, hands hastily removing bothersome layers to massage the ache. The dark, low whimper of her name off his lips as he climaxed. The fantasy of her touch, of her _mouth_ , around him. But it's not enough. It's never enough. The fire of her blush travels down her neck and she nibbles at her lip.

 _Relax,_ he soothes, his expression softening. "Do you want me to stop, Rey?"

She could tell him yes and he would halt his advances instantly. She knows this as intimately as she knows the exact count of ugly scratches in the AT-AT back on that forgotten planet where a forgotten girl cut out her days. "No." she breathes.

His gaze drifts to her lips, breaking their stare for one soul replenishing moment and she lays her head back, trusting him, _trusting herself_ as she lifts her hips, allowing him to drag her bottoms the rest of the way down. Goose-flesh rises on her exposed skin and she inhales a steadying breath. Her legs want to curl and hide her bare sex, but she stifles the urge, focusing instead on his fingers as they learn her curves, teasing, inquisitive.

"You fantasize about this often?" Rey shivers, the attempt at an idle question meant to calm her nerves.

A long pause. "It's something I've always been curious about." There's a hint of shyness in his voice.

She purses her lips, feigning disapproval. "It's not surprising that you've such lewd thoughts."

"You're one to talk." he challenges and nips her inner thigh.

She gasps, writhing, and he presses the advantage, nibbling kisses as he glides a cool finger along the silken folds of her entrance. Her hands fist into the sheets, back arching off the bed in anticipation as his lips reach the sensitive bud of nerves and any insecurities left twittering in her chest take flight, disappearing in a flurry of heavenly disaster. His teeth graze her skin as he suckles, experimenting, and his index finger slips inside of her. She jerks at the sheets, a shameless groan escaping her throat and she feels him smiling, triumphant.

 _Arrogant, pretentious—_

He moans in reply, the vibration cutting off her snide thought and sending a delightful tingle all through her core. Her hands unfurl from the sheets and plunge into his hair, her legs folding around him selfishly. She pulls at his locks as he rotates his finger testing the rhythm of her sounds, discovering and memorizing every facet of her until she is practically keening.

"Ben." she sighs breathlessly.

He pulls away, reaching up and caressing her cheek with his free hand. "Easy sweetheart. You'll wake someone." The lustful rasp of his voice elicits newfound desire in her veins and her eyes snap open.

He hovers just over her, dark hair curtaining his face, half-lidded gaze pitch black and lips red, glistening with her arousal. She is shocked to find that no shame follows this realization, only a primal acknowledgement of conquest. Like the scar on his cheek, she has marked him. Again.

 _Yes._ He belongs to her and her alone.

He reaches for her feelings through the bond, letting her see herself as he does: unbridled, unapologetic and beautiful. A wild unknown with a fiery spirit unwilling to bow, unwilling to break. Someone who stood for him when no one else would. Someone he envies. Someone he admires... S _omeone he loves_.

She holds his gaze, unable to look away as the precipice of pleasure builds, teasing her to jump, to spread her wings and fly. Her teeth work feverishly over her lower lip and his name falls like rain from her tongue. She pulls at him, wanting no separation between them, but he holds back, his stare fixed on her face.

Then, it crashes into her like a storm, wave after wave of pure bliss, and she throws her head back, biting his name one final time as she grinds into his hand, her need an ever present drum echoing off the cusp of her climax, radiating out and cocooning her body in that warm, lovely aftermath. He watches her orgasm unfold, his eyes absorbing every nuance of her expression, captivated.

After a few moments, her breathing slows and she licks her lips, sated. Ben's hand at her cheek smooths the wayward tendrils of her hair behind her ear and she stares at him, her heart utterly calm. She's changed again. When the energy inside of her awoke in that interrogation room so long ago, she'd yet to understand it was only the beginning. Perhaps that's what awakening is, a life long process of newfound awareness, each experience transforming one's perception to understand the _meaning_ of it all.

She beckons Ben to her, tasting his lips in a lingering kiss to which he offers without hesitation. As they pull back he kisses her a second time on the tip of her nose, his tender display of affection bringing a lazy smile to her face. _Yes_ , she thinks. _I'm beginning to understand._

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* * *

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"We're gonna hit 'em, Rey." Finn settles into the seat beside her, his voice low. "We got a lead on Hux's secret transport. One of the high-level troopers we captured has turned. He's willing to offer information for a place in the Rebellion."

Rey toys with the handle of her tankard, reminded of Rose's earlier comments. Something twists inside her, disquieted. "And we believe this stormtrooper just like that? How do we know his information is reliable?"

"Trust me." Finn nods emphatically. "It's reliable. On top of that, word is the supreme leader will be traveling with him. Light guards. This is our chance, Rey."

She stares hard at the cold surface of her drink.

"After Ren's attack..." he trails off angrily, fists clenching. "You and Chewie nearly died, too."

She flinches at the words, unable to hide the fury in her eyes. "He didn't order that attack. General Hux did. We've known for a while that there is bad blood between them." Her knuckles turn white as she grips the tankard's handle, her hidden fist shaking. "We should wait. I don't trust—

"What does it matter who ordered it." Finn waves his hand dismissively. "You don't understand Ren and Hux like I do, Rey. I lived in their world for years. If we don't move now, we might lose this war!"

"Is that you talking, or Poe?" she snarls.

The strike lands effortlessly, cutting through Finn like a knife, but he swallows it down, unwilling to give in and too passionate in his certainty of success. "You and the Rebellion are my family, Rey. I'll do whatever it takes to protect you and Poe's right. We won't have another shot. We need to act now. We've already lost Leia. We've lost others. We can't keep losing."

"They are losing, too." She whispers, voice weakening as the tears threaten to fall, but she holds them in check.

Finn sighs irritably. "After what Ren did to you, after what happened with Luke, with Leia? Why are you so hesitant to end this? We could end it all, Rey! There could be peace for once!" he massages angrily at his neck. "I want peace, Rey. I know you do, too."

She closes her eyes, willing the tears back down her throat. "Yes."

"Then, let's go get them while their backs are turned. We won't have another chance."

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* * *

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She hopes for him to appear that night. Of all the inconvenient—and definitely not so inconvenient—moments he haunted her, this would be the most pertinent. But she walks the streets alone under the stars, arms wrapped around her waist to stave off the unnatural chill and her teeth chattering. Jakku saw some desert nights as frigid as this. Oftentimes the world would lie so still and so quiet she could hear a whisper through the sand, the backdrop of the satiny sky crisp with color against the monochrome blue of the dunes.

His emotions kindle at the other end of the bond: frustration, unease, exhaustion. They dim as the coals of a flame despite Rey's attempts to maintain the connection, then, like wayward embers, they are swept away in the winds of the ether. Her heart beats hollowly in her chest and she stops, staring earnestly at her shadow on the wall. She reaches out to touch it. _Cold._

A shaky breath escapes her. She can deny it no longer. She is terrified.

* * *

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 **THANKS FOR READING!**


	6. Walk the Path

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay. Some RL situations had come up and I've had to deal with a lot of stress. I'm better now; still a little emotionally exhausted, but I'm ready to give my space babies a hopeful ending. On a side note, I was miffed when I found out a certain someone wouldn't be in this sequel trilogy, so I added them in cause reasons. Three guesses who. Also, I'm not too familiar with all the inner workings of the SW universe (i.e. the stormtrooper's ID designations) so you'll have to forgive any canonical errors.

 **SONG INSPIRATION:** Roads - Portishead

 **WARNINGS:** violence, blood and bodily injury, aggressive Rey gives no fucks, the pain of betrayal

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* * *

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She dreamed of her parents. A restless and bitter dream.

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* * *

.

"I don't like this idea." Rose murmurs. "I should be going with you."

Rey sighs, glancing to the three moons lighting the night sky. "None of us should be going."

They share a long silence.

"You're different." Rose finally says, tilting her head in concern. "I wasn't sure in the beginning, because I'd only just met you, but you're..." she trails off.

"Everyone thinks they know me." Rey mutters, her words stolen by the wind.

"Finn certainly does." Rose smiles softly. "He's worried about you, says you seem sad. Hesitant."

She turns from Rose to face the fields of white grass. The residents of this planet call it the Dead Sea; an appropriate name. "I have my secrets just like everyone else."

Rose moves closer, her hand resting on the balcony rail beside Rey's. "Leia told me something once. It seemed like such an obvious thing to say at the time, but I think I understand, now."

Rey looks to her, lips parting.

Rose swallows, expression hardening with determination. "She told me to trust _you_ , Rey. _You_."

Deep thunder rumbles from somewhere across the mountains, a building storm, a harbinger of things to come, and the two women fall still.

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* * *

.

The stormtrooper who gave them the information, RE-0019, walks in front, Poe following close beside him and Finn at the man's opposite flank. Apparently, both he and Finn share a history from within the First Order. More than once the man has referred to Finn as Eight-Seven, a shortening of Finn's original serial identification, while Finn refuses to use his entirely, instead calling him by the nickname fellow troopers dubbed him: Fortune.

Rey doesn't have to guess how he acquired that name. Her eyes flit to his profile as he glances at the huddle of structures beside them and the hair at the back of her neck stands on end. He wears a cagey smile, one that doesn't quite reach his eyes, but Finn trusts him. _Everyone deserves a fair chance_ , her mind drones. _Until they stab you in the back_ , a darker side smiles.

She grips her saberstaff, reassured by its cold weight in her hand as their robes bellow in the storm winds. Lightning casts the planet's morning in an eerie glow of pink and fire gold as the group ascends a set of steps leading away from the town's main square. A slight drizzle wets their stony faces and Rey glances behind her. Kay follows closely, blaster ready in her hand beneath the folds of her cloak. The town moves along sleepily, few residents here and there milling about with the day's first tasks.

At the top of the steps, Fortune leads them down a cramped alleyway lined with countless empty barracks. Another impoverished mining camp, one of many on this planet. The overseers, rich associates of the First Order, live in the mountain side several tiers above them. No town exists on this rock without them. They monitor and control all persons, all labor and all exportation of goods, giving General Hux forty percent of the cut for protecting their freighters from sabotage.

A shock of _knowing_ suddenly runs down her spine and she pauses, breath hitching. _He's here._

"Rey?"

She blinks, glancing up to Finn's inquiring eyes. "It's nothing." she shakes her head awkwardly. "Let's keep moving."

Finn's face suggestions more questions, but he eventually turns and continues on. Rey steadies her breath as she monitors the other reactions of her teammates. Poe is too fixated on finding their target to notice much else, but Kay is as shrewd as ever, her watchful eyes piercing into Rey's back. In the shadows around them, Rey can feel the restlessness of the much larger backup team and her throat works painfully, swallowing the thorny lump forming there.

 _Luke. Han. Leia. Force. Whatever, whoever is watching... please._ She grits her teeth, eyes slipping closed for a moment. _Please._

They proceed up another flight of stairs, this one much narrower than the first, to a sprawling courtyard. At the very center stands the statue of a fierce and terrible looking creature, a symbol of power as it stares down at the pitiful hovels below. Rey does not recognize its species, but the message is clear enough. Beyond the statue is a long corridor leading to what appears to be a vast structure. She cannot resist the urge to stare. It's massive.

"That's it." Fortune whispers.

"You weren't lying when you said the bastard's palace was big." Poe scoffs.

Finn draws his hood low. "They should be coming out soon."

"Right." Poe nods. "Everyone remember, General Hux and Kylo Ren are the targets. Don't waste a shot on their guards unless it's necessary. We need the element of surprise."

Rey's heart hammers brutally at her ribs and she prays one final time to whoever might be listening.

"Alright." Poe motions his hand outward. "Everyone take cover and wait for my signal."

Kay remains near Rey as they scatter in opposite directions, Poe taking the lead near the corridor's entrance, Finn huddling behind the statue and Fortune taking an alcove at the east end of the courtyard parallel to Poe. Rey looks over at Kay as they crouch in their hiding place. The woman's honey eyes bore into her, questioning, and she swallows painfully, tearing her gaze away and focusing back on the corridor.

"Second team, you in position?" Poe's voice echoes over the comm.

"Ready, general."

"You better be. This is gonna get ugly." he replies and Rey's heart gallops at a rate she never believed possible.

She'd attempted to speak to Poe before this mission, to convince him it was too dangerous a risk, but she'd known it was a fool's errand from the beginning. Despite his importance as the newly appointed general of the Rebellion, Poe was willing to take this risk. Nothing would have changed his mind and she couldn't very well have told him the truth. She couldn't have told Finn, either, or Rose. None of them would understand. Leia would have... but she's gone.

 _Help me. Someone. Please._ Rey's chest swells in agony and she reminds herself to breathe.

"Now we wait." Kay intones, glancing around the corner.

Rey nods distantly, her mind racing.

The world seems to slow, rogue sun rays cutting across the mountain side and painting the pillars surrounding the courtyard a hazy dream-yellow as it rises behind the darkening storm clouds. The earlier drizzle becomes a rain and the rain quickly becomes a deluge. Rey blinks away the water, glancing again at her comrades.

Time grows heavier as the minutes tick by, the thunder seeming to punctuate them like a chaotic drum. Louder and louder. _Heavier and heavier._ Rey releases a breath and drags another in, slowly, measured.

"They should already be at the corridor." Kay murmurs behind her. "Something's wrong."

"Kay's right, Poe." Finn's voice hisses over the comm. "I've got a bad feeling about this."

"Everybody hold your positions. We can't let this chance slip out of our hands." he argues.

Then, Rey feels it, a startling twist in her gut, an icy shock of fear down her spine. _Ben._ Something is _very_ wrong. Her fingers clamp around the hilt of her weapon and it takes everything inside her not to go sprinting in the direction of the feeling. She extends her awareness, the tendrils of her mind unfurling and latching onto the lifeforms around her. Her teammates vibrate with apprehension. She pushes beyond them, further down the corridor.

 _There!_

An explosion suddenly rocks the corridor, showering them with rubble and sending Poe flying. Rey jerks from her hiding spot, eyes wild, and Kay grabs her arm, pulling her back. Poe quickly gets to his feet a short distance away, shaken but alive. Rey looks around for Finn and finds him next to the informant. Smoke and ash obscure the hall's entrance but she can now hear the sound of shouted commands over the rolling thunder.

Throwing care to the wind, she rips her arm free from Kay and lunges forward, feet pounding against the stone. The acrid air burns her lungs as she pierces the haze and somewhere behind her Poe shouts, Finn's voice follows, but she is ahead of them, her focus only on Ben. Her foot hooks on broken stone and she stumbles forward to keep her balance, leaping over a crater created by the explosion. She lands clumsily, turning her ankle as she does so, though the pain is distant.

Ahead, she can see the first blur of movement, chaotic silhouettes dancing to the fatal beat of blaster fire. Cloaked black figures attack white-armored stormtroopers, deadly and precise in their maneuvers despite the skill of Hux's personal guard. A flash of metal catches her eye and her heart stutters in her chest. They are the cloaked figures from her vision—the Knights of Ren. There should be six.

There are only three.

 _Ben._ Panic grips her.

A stormtrooper suddenly moves to strike from her left and she hastily ignites her saberstaff, skewering him through the middle. Blaster fire chips away at the stone near her head and she ducks low, her gaze combing the surroundings for her tall shadow. She spots him several yards away, lightsaber crackling and a frenzied snarl marring his lips, but there's something wrong, something at the corners of his eyes, his mouth. And the stiff limitation of his movement. He leans forward slightly, his right elbow tucked into his side.

 _His dominant sword hand._

She's propelling toward him before she registers her own movement and his eyes find hers for a fleeting moment, relief passing over them, illuminating them. She feels it burgeoning in her like the lick of a flame. Then, his body spasms as his adversary swings the spitting weapon at his shoulder, landing a clean blow that jolts down his spine and buckles his knees.

Rey screams, desperate anger setting her blood afire, and she takes the stormtrooper by surprise, decapitating him before he even has the chance to face her. His body crumples beside Ben and Rey turns to deflect further attacks, four troopers swarming on her at once. There are so many...

Then, it clicks, snapping in her brain like the agonizing crack of a bone settling back in place. Hux's absence—the glaring clue. One half of their mission is nowhere to be found. Her stomach lurches with a horrifying possibility as she hurriedly crouches to the ground and swipes her blade forward, ending two of the troopers at their knees.

There are other First Order, too, not just Hux's elite guard. The numbers are off. A lie from their informant? Her gut says no. The possibility flares in her chest again, expanding around her like a noose, choking her.

 _Was this a trap for the Rebellion and Ben?_

The dark voice inside her teeters maliciously. Of course it was. Hux knew his men couldn't get the job done by themselves and what's a few extra stormtroopers to sacrifice, especially with the Knights of Ren predictably defending their master. Hux couldn't have faced Ben on his own unless he presented a distraction. He needed bait.

 _Me._ Her heart tears in her chest. _He knows!_

And the bonus? He cuts the head off of the Rebellion and takes out the only other Force user who was strong enough to face down Snoke. The hopeful ending? _We both kill each other in the process._ _Two birds. One stone._ She swallows, sick to her stomach—

"Rey!"

A flash of red cuts through the air straight for her, though she is too stunned to react, her mind still reeling. She feels an abrupt jerk of movement behind her, but only too late. Ben collapses to his knees, hand clenched and trembling, and the blaster bolt slams into her hip. She cries out, more from surprise than pain, and stumbles backward.

Subsequent fire echoes around her as Finn and Kay take out her assailants and Rey's eyes absorb the sight before her. Bodies are strewn everywhere, Rebellion and First Order alike, while more are being added, grunts and clashes sounding above the thunder.

Suddenly, she is impacted from behind, the wind rushing out of her lungs and her body colliding into the ground. Her weapon skitters out of her reach.

"Rey!" Finn screams.

She turns just in time to see the last remaining knight towering over her, his black cape billowing and his weapon raised for the kill strike. She responds hazily, her focus rocked by the second sense of déjà vu. The rain, the dark figure above her ready to deal the final blow and, yes, the sudden shock of a snarling red saber piercing through his chest, his body falling... and Ben's with it.

"Take him out, Rey!" Poe's shout reaches her. "Take him now!"

She glances up at his approaching figure, her eyes stinging with unshed tears. _No. No!_

"Do it!" Finn hastens with him, their blasters raised.

Rey moves on instinct, placing herself between them and Ben, her lips peeled back in a determined grimace. They slow instantly, their expressions screwing up in confusion. Kay joins them, her own weapon aimed on Ben. Behind them, the battle has stilled, only a small few Rebellion fighters remaining.

Finn attempts to approach. "Rey? What are you doing?"

She twirls her saberstaff defensively, her jaw taut. "I won't let you kill him."

Poe stares at her, bewilderment soon giving way to outrage. "What the hell is this? What do you mean, Rey?"

"I don't mince words, Poe." she grits out. "If you want him, you'll have to kill me first."

Finn jerks as if physically slapped. "I don't..." he trails off, understanding slowly materializing in his eyes. "All those months."

Rey stands firm, her face openly confirming Finn's suspicions.

"You're a traitor?" Poe exclaims breathlessly, unwilling to believe his own words. "I don't—why?"

Rey takes a steadying breath. "I'm _not_ a traitor. Not to you, not to the Rebellion, not to Leia..." She glances down at Ben. He looks up at her with dazed, wide eyes and she quickly gathers her wits, turning back to her comrades. "Not to Ben," her whisper is deafening despite the storm.

"But after everything?" Finn stutters.

She holds her weapon firm as she assists Ben to his feet only to have him crumple against her side, his blood smearing her arm circled at his middle. A knife wound from behind. _Hux._ Though, Ben should have sensed it before it happened. Why hadn't he? The static of the rain drowns out the rest of the world and the chill of the wind strips her body of warmth, causing her teeth to chatter.

"I'm not a traitor." She repeats, her arm tightening around Ben. His shoulders shiver with each labored breath.

"You stand with the supreme leader of the First Order." Kay deadpans, her usually warm eyes bottomless and dark.

"Will you shoot me, then?" Rey dares.

Finn immediately throws his hands up, thrusting himself between them. "No! It doesn't have to come to that. Rey, lower your weapon. Let us—

"Take him? No." She grits her teeth, face resolute. "Don't force my hand, Finn."

"Rey." Finn's face falls, his vulnerable expression twisting between hurt and anger.

Everyone holds their weapons at the ready, but no one fires, no one speaks. Rey straightens and slowly begins to back away, her eyes never leaving them as Ben shuffles beside her, his balance teetering dangerously like a pendulum. The remaining survivors watch her departure with dumbfounded fury, but it's the look of utter betrayal on Finn's face that breaks her heart. Poe suddenly moves to shoot but Finn steps in front of him, looking back at Rey with a rage so deep her insides shrink away and the tears finally fall, hot with the rain down her cheeks.

Only after she clears the courtyard and disappears down a neighboring alleyway does she release the shaky sob trapped in her throat, the reality of what she's done devastating her. What's worse? Now with the adrenaline abating, the first whispers of pain burn up her side from her blaster wound. She adjusts her position, but the pain only intensifies.

Ben peers at her through blurring lashes, his skin white as starlight.

"We have to find to a ship and get somewhere safe!" she pants. "You're losing too much blood."

He leans more heavily upon her, nearly toppling her over.

"Ben! Stay with me!" she snarls, checking all directions to make sure they aren't being followed.

Awareness floats back into his eyes and he nods, attempting to straighten himself, but he falls right back into her arms, a reedy grunt of frustration exiting his lips.

She arcs up on her tip-toes to kiss his forehead, her earnest actions sparking life in his gaze. "Just stay awake. I can handle the rest. I just need you awake."

He nods, a faint drop of his head, and they move forward, lightning exploding across the sky and rumbling the earth beneath their heavy feet. She grunts as he presses more of his weight against her injured hip, sick heat spreading over her nerve-endings like liquid fire. If she doesn't get him medical attention soon—

"Rey! Over here!"

Her eyes dart in the direction of the voice. Then, several paces ahead of them she spots the last person she expects to see, Maz Kanata. Maz waves dramatically at her, indicating her to follow. A flicker of distrust fans in her mind, but she quells it, the truth of their situation simple. She has no other choice. As if to emphasize this fact, Ben's blood drips warmly down her fingers and he presses his head into her neck, the full weight of him swallowing her.

Angling him against her body for easier movement, she hurries as fast as she can over to the hidden alcove, which isn't fast at all. Maz's scowl brooks no argument and she ushers them down a set of stairs to an antique-looking door. Beyond the door is what appears to be an abandoned tavern, the chairs stacked atop the tables and cases of drinks lining the back wall. Maz fights the wind, slamming the door shut behind them as another roar of thunder quakes beneath their feet. The static of the rain diminishes and low lights cast the world in monstrous shadows.

Ben groans against her, half conscious.

"Follow me." Maz instructs.

Rey obeys, doing everything she can to drag Ben, now.

She unlocks another door hidden behind a false wall and nods to Rey. "Follow this path all the way to it's end. My ship is there. Take it."

Rey glares at her. "How—what are you doing here? Why should I trust you?"

"Either you save him, or you lose him to the war. Here. Now. It's your choice." Maz's dark eyes pierce right through Rey, right to the evidence screaming in her heart. "Now, go before he bleeds out. I've a medical droid aboard who can attend to him, but you must hurry."

"Why?" Rey asks, unsure of what to believe, what to think.

Maz looks at her for a lingering moment, understanding. "Because of hope. Now go!"

.

* * *

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 **PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW! I LOVE HEARING FEEDBACK!**

 **THANKS FOR READING!**


	7. No Straight Answer

**A/N:** Thanks for all the lovely reviews and I'm happy some of you really enjoyed the surprise shift in previous chapter. The stakes are pretty high now, yes? And our fierce babes need some down time before the grand finale, too, don't they? ;) On a side note, I was miffed when I found out a certain someone wouldn't be in this sequel trilogy, so I added them cause reasons. Three guesses who. Also, once again I apologize for any canonical errors with droids, medical practices of the SW universe, etc. I'm mostly working blind here. LMAO!

 **SONG INSPIRATION:** Enjoy the Silence - Depeche Mode Cover (Epic Intense Vocal Hybrid)

 **WARNINGS:** injury description, blood, a tease of sexual content (Next chapter! Prepare yourself! ;3)

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* * *

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"Just a little farther, Ben," she grits out. "Stay with me."

She hopes it's only a little farther. Panic sprouts in her chest for the umpteenth time, a cruel weed unwilling to yield, and she strangles it with a vengeful exhale, teeth clamped together in a rigid snarl. She cannot fall apart. _Not now._

Who's to know if the First Order, or the Rebellion happen upon them before they can get to Maz's ship. What if Maz's ship is already compromised and either side are waiting for her there? What if Hux came back with a second attack to take out her comrades? Her insides twist at each thought, but the cold, logical voice in her denounces them both. Hux exhausted the resources set aside for this strike and Poe will have already contacted their allies.

Hux wouldn't risk a loss, not when he's so close to victory. Besides, he's not stupid enough to overlook the possibility that one, if not both, of his targets survive. And continuing down that vein, he will have receded back into his stronghold with thousands of First Order troops between him and his enemies.

There is a chance he will go for the Rebellion's main base. Rey swallows, dry and painful. _But he can't know where that is... can he?_

Ben grunts as he attempts to plant his feet with every step, dragging the toes of his boots and his breaths coming in ragged huffs against her cheek. The murky gloom surrounding them makes it impossible to see him, but she doesn't need to see to know time is running out. The blood from his wounds has soaked through her cloak to her shirt, all of its warmth leeched away, and the feverish heat of his skin wanes.

Her free hand skims along the ridged wall of the cave, feeling the direction of her path, and she growls angrily as her feet stumble over the rocky terrain. She succumbs to angry tears again, wondering why Maz isn't with them, why she'd slammed that final door with such totality _._ She wonders why Poe hadn't listened, why he'd ignored his better judgment, but most of all, she wonders why Finn had stood for her... even after what she'd done.

Suddenly, she nearly trips and she would have fallen if not for Ben's hasty grip. He leans into her as she finds her balance and she counters his weight, tapping the toe of her shoe against what had caught her foot. Stairs. Then, she hears it. _Engines._ Her heart leaps at the sound.

"Hold onto me. Don't let go." she orders.

He nods, a soft brush of hair on her forehead.

They start their way up, the engines growing louder and louder, and her excitement bubbling up from her stomach, making her woozy. She grounds herself, clearing her mind of all else except the solid feel of her feet as they ascend each new step, each one closer to her destination, when Ben abruptly trips and she only has a split second to decide which direction they fall. She twists her body, placing herself in front of him as they go down, the stone connecting brutally with her tailbone and she cries out as the blaster wound howls.

Ben moans into her neck, his words incoherent and weak. "I'm... sor..." his voice fails him.

"Come on." she grabs his waist, unwilling to relent. "We have to keep moving."

He sways dangerously as they get to their feet and Rey holds him steady, her own agony doubling. Ahead she spots the first slivers of dancing light through what appears to be a narrow cave entrance. She quickens their pace, forcing Ben to move faster. He has not the strength to protest, nor heed her urgency.

"We're close! Come on!"

As they breach the surface lights cut into her eyes and she shields her face, the storm winds wailing around them and blasting them with sheets of icy rain. A small cargo ship lowers its ramp and an outdated med droid hovers over to them.

"Subject's mortality rate at fifty-five percent. Medical attention critical." it drones smoothly.

Rey needs no further instruction and pulls Ben with her as she hurries toward the ship. He makes it only half way up the ramp before his knees give out beneath him and he's dragging her down on top of him. She thrusts her hands out before her to halt her fall and her jaw connects with his forehead, clamping her tongue between her teeth. She tastes the hot copper of blood.

Swallowing, she pulls back to look at him. The bright light casts his skin in a frightening and bloodless brilliance. His eyes are closed, lips parted. "Ben!" She shakes him. No response. "Ben!" She slaps him and his eyes open dreamily, but they fall shut again.

"Where's Maz?" a deep voice suddenly demands from in front of her.

She jerks up, stilling instantly at the sight of a blaster centered on her chest. The face behind it is rigid, age lines accentuating the fierce snarl of his expression. He stands tall, well clothed, a silken cape draping over his opposite shoulder and gray throughout his hair, and mustache. She instinctively hunches over Ben, her eyes focusing back on the blaster.

"Where's Maz?" he repeats, harder this time.

With an abrupt snap of her wrist, his blaster sails from his hands across the floor. She snatches it up, though does not point it at him, instead standing and placing herself between him and Ben. The man takes a hesitant step back toward the cockpit, wary shock etching his features.

"Maz told me to come here. My friend needs help—

"You're _friend_ is Kylo Ren, the murderer of..." he seems to choke on his words. "Han. Luke. Leia." the names are accentuated, scathing as they leave his curling lips.

"Please. He's gravely hurt. We..." she hesitates, her shoulders trembling. "Look. My name is Rey. I'm with the Rebellion. I'm a friend to Maz."

"Then what is _he_ doing here?!" the man growls, making a threatening move towards Ben.

Rey has the blaster pointed at him before he can blink, her face stony, the shake in her hands gone. "You will help him. I won't _ask_ again." If she must invade his mind, she will. Her heart tears as her eyes flicker in Ben's direction, but she does not look away from the man.

"You're the girl, the one who killed Snoke."

Rey shakes her head, too jaded to elaborate. " _Ben_ killed Snoke. Now step back and let the me get him to a cot so the droid can help him."

He mulls this over for a moment, seeming to come to a resolution and steps aside. She struggles to drag Ben the rest of the way, unconscious and his blood streaking the ship's floor. As she attempts to lift him atop the cot, she is surprised to find an extra pair of hands assisting her and looks up. The man never meets her gaze as he helps her and steps away quickly as if avoiding some awful smelling thing.

"Where's Maz?" he repeats a third time.

Rey sighs, wiping dark hair from Ben's face. "I don't know. She left us."

A shuffle of movement. A worried noise in the back of his throat. "She never told me she wasn't coming back. She never told me about _him_ , either."

Rey's hands work diligently to assist the droid in removing Ben's belt and surcoat. "You were expecting me?" she turns, momentary surprise interrupting her movements.

"I was expecting someone. Not _you_."

"And not him." Rey looks to Ben again, careful as she helps the droid turn Ben onto his back.

He stirs with a muddled groan as the droid injects something into his shoulder and Rey steps back, taking in the damage of his bare flesh. Drying blood paints down his spine, the wound just shy of his heart, but not quite deep enough to kill. Had Hux only wanted to wound him? Not kill him? She bites her lip. It's possible, especially with her showing up. Chaos was the intention. Let them all turn on each other as he slips away and moves to make an even more devastating attack.

"We shouldn't linger here." Rey murmurs.

The man glances down at the blaster still in her hand. "Hopefully, Maz caught a ride with the Rebellion."

Rey smiles, but it does not reach her eyes. "She did. Of that, I'm sure." _That was her intention all along._

They fall silent as the droid works.

After a few moments the man walks to the cockpit, calling over his shoulder. "Hurry and get that hip patched up. I need a co-pilot." Then as if an afterthought. "You know how to fly, right?"

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* * *

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"You should rest. You look terrible."

Rey cuts her eyes at him, weighing his expression. "No."

The man releases an irritated breath. "Look kid, if the stories are true about you, what makes you think I'd even attempt to hurt him?"

Rey frowns, rising from her seat in the cockpit and going to Ben's side. "I'm fine."

Another span of silence.

"Where are we going?" her voice sounds eerie in the vacuum of it.

"A safe place."

 _No other choice_ , she recites to herself. _He's with Maz._ _Everything will be alright._

Her mind suddenly finds its way back to Finn's broken expression and she swallows the lump gathering in her throat.

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* * *

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Ben wakes sometime later, drowsy and disoriented. He reacts erratically, groping for his lightsaber which should have been at his belt side, but he only slaps bare skin and bites back a hiss of agony. Rey is at his side with haste, her hands closing around his wrists and lowering his arms back to the cot.

"Easy Ben. You're safe. I'm here." she whispers.

"Rey." her name rasps from his lips, cutting their edges like a dull blade.

"You need to sleep for now." she nods, placing her hand on his chest above his heart. "Sleep Ben."

He attempts to lift his head, but it falls back onto the pillow beneath it and his eyes slip closed as her hand comes to his cheek. He presses his face into her palm, breathing in her scent before he's out again. She smooths the tangles in his hair, her gaze drifting over the bacta patches covering the fresh injuries ripped into him. They'll heal thankfully, but they still make her stomach turn—

"You said he killed Snoke."

She jerks at the sound of the man's voice and glares up at him.

"Word is you killed him."

"Well, I didn't." she intones coldly.

"I thought you said you were with the Rebellion."

Rey's eyes burn into him. "I am."

"Then what are you doing with him?"

"What do you care?" she snaps, the exhaustion not helping her agitation.

The man stares for a long time, his gaze shifting back and forth between them. Rey turns away and focuses on Ben, effectively ignoring him until he finally steps back into the cockpit. She'll need to help him land soon, but...

Her eyes droop heavily, darkness teetering on the edge of her consciousness, beckoning her. She shouldn't sleep, shouldn't leave Ben exposed like this. But his warm skin feels so welcoming, so solid. Unexpected tears waver in her eyes and she nuzzles her cheek against his arm, his chest, listening to his heart beat. He's alive. Safe.

He'd almost died, the actuality of that washing over her like a febrile sickness. _This is how he'd felt_ , she realizes. How had he not thrown everything down and come after her in that instant? She bites her lip. Would she have done the same for him before this moment?

 _No. Too complicated. Too dangerous._

If anything Hux's gambit has simplified things, hasn't it? Her fingers curl into the soft hair at the nape of Ben's neck. _Please don't make me lose him. Not after everything,_ she whispers and closes her eyes, letting the tears stain her cheeks.

She isn't sure when sleep claims her, but it eventually comes, dragging her into a roiling, restless sea.

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* * *

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"Maz owes me big for this one."

Rey gazes at the man, suddenly struck by the fact that she doesn't know his name. She considers asking him, but the weariness of her bones holds her tongue.

"You aren't staying here. Do we understand each other? The moment he can travel safely, you're gone."

The ship docks.

"Three nights. No more. And you are responsible for him. _Anything_ he does is on you. My guards will be watching both of you."

Rey nods.

Outside the thick rolling clouds remind her of dreams and endless gold. It's a lovely sight, one that makes her mind want to wander for a while. She toys with the idea when a question suddenly possesses her.

"Why are you helping him?" It tumbles from her mouth before she can stop it. Strangely, it feels appropriate asking about Ben, not herself.

He stiffens in the midst of rising from his seat, eyes hardening. "I shouldn't be."

Her exhaustion is suddenly forgotten and she presses after him to the ship ramp. "You didn't answer my question."

"No, kid, and I don't plan to." He replies brusquely. A distant sadness breaks through his facade, betraying him, and she reaches into his awareness. "Hey!" he abruptly raises his hand at her, jabbing his finger in her face. "Look, I know your kind just like I know his." he indicates to Ben. "I'd ask for a little courtesy if you don't mind."

"Then tell me how you know Ben."

He scoffs at the name. "He doesn't deserve that name, not after what he's done."

"Answer me!" Rey reaches for her saberstaff at her hip.

"Alright!" he throws up his hands in surrender. "Just... take it easy."

She relaxes, but only a fraction. Her injury begins to throb again. She'll need to change the bacta patch soon.

"I knew his father, his mother. Hell, I knew Luke Skywalker. I met them during the war with the Empire. Han and I went back further than that." He pauses, taking in a steadying breath. "He was... a good friend. All of them were. My friends."

She looks away, emotion tightening her throat. "Ben didn't kill Leia. It was Hux."

"You believe that?"

Her eyes dart back to him, piercing. "Yes."

He relents, shrugging. "And Luke?"

"Luke never left the planet I'd found him on. He... sacrificed himself to save what was left of the Rebellion."

The man stares at her, weighing her words. The emotions flitting along his face are a spectrum of sorrow, anger, regret and finally acceptance. "Leia believed in him to the end."

"You still haven't answered my question." Rey smiles faintly. There is a hidden charm to the man she finds rather endearing. If the circumstances were different, she'd quite like his presence.

He glances back at Ben, finally looking at him fully. "Because Han and Leia would have had Chewie crush my windpipe if I didn't."

"That's not a straight answer." Rey's smile turns to an infectious grin.

"No, it isn't." He mirrors her, his grin flashing in the bright light. "Lando Calrissian is the name."

Rey rolls her eyes, memories of old stories floating to the forefront of her mind. "Of course it is."

He chuckles, the lines of his face easier now, softer.

 _Yes, this man can be trusted._

The apprehension in her lessens, but does not diminish. The faces of Finn, Rose, Poe and the others haunt her thoughts, and she hopes beyond hope that the Rebellion stronghold has not been compromised. If it has... She swallows. Perhaps that's why Maz didn't come with her. She'd stayed behind to warn them. Rey begs for it to be enough.

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* * *

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She's not sure when she fell asleep, only that she wakes not realizing she'd fallen asleep in the first place. Hopefully, this doesn't become a common habit. Her spine cracks loudly as she stretches her cramped muscles and her vision darkens at the edges when she stands. She needs to get some food in her system.

After she attends to more important matters, though.

Ben rests peacefully in the adjacent room of the apartment while heavy guard waits just outside. Rey glances through the bedroom doorway, finding Ben's chest rising and falling rhythmically, his skin no longer that terrifying bone white and his wounds freshly cleaned. His lips twitch once dreamily and he rumbles a sigh.

She closes her eyes, relieved.

Lando had ordered only his most trusted medical personnel and law enforcement to safe guard Cloud City's little secret... but secrets never remain hidden for long. Maz definitely owed him big and he felt more than justified in repeating it several times before finally departing once seeing them to their room.

Three days. No more. And any wrongful action Ben commits rests on her shoulders.

She opens her eyes, pursing her lips at him, and whispers. "Please don't do anything foolish while I'm away."

Thoughts of Finn surface in her mind and she departs quickly. Lando had told her to come see him personally about news from Maz once her wound was looked after. She isn't even sure how long ago that was.

The guards eye her cautiously as she passes them in a rush, one falling in line beside her. She scarcely notices and despite her stomach's ravenous snarls she can think of nothing else but her family.

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* * *

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She arrives back to the room with a light heart and a full stomach. Not only are her comrades safe, but Hux had wrongly assumed an old Rebel base as the current strong hold of the Resistance. A blessing, but not without thorns. Poe and the others are devastated by Rey's actions, the morale of the Rebellion irreversibly damaged. Lives have also been lost.

"Rey?"

Her breath catches in her throat at the sight of him standing near the bedroom doorway. "You shouldn't be moving around yet. And why have you removed your medical dressings? Your wounds aren't—

He's on her in less than two strides, arms trapping her in a near suffocating embrace and breaths ragged. She melts against him, her emotions stirring like the tempestuous waves she remembers of Ahch-to. The storm. His dulcet concession as she'd called him a monster. A sharp pang of desire echoes from her core and she inhales his scent, pressing more of her body into him.

He pulls at her, burying his face in the crook of her neck as he lifts her up off her feet, breathing her in.

"Your wounds, Ben." she places her hands gently on his chest and pushes.

"Physical pain doesn't bother me." he murmurs against her skin, holding her tighter.

She pushes more insistently. "I'm concerned with them healing properly."

He chuckles.

"I'm serious, Ben. You lost a lot of blood. You don't need—

"And your wound?" He pulls back to look at her, swirling black-gold, a galaxy in his stare alone.

Rey centers herself, scowling at him. "Far more superficial than yours."

He sits her back onto her feet, his fingertips grazing over the material of her trousers.

She disregards the slight sting from the pressure of his touch and sets her jaw. "It's nothing."

"Nothing?" he questions.

She juts her chin, defiance flashing her eyes and he smiles. It's a lovely sight, especially with the muted light of the evening sun. She'd slept a near full day and a half, she suddenly realizes. She hadn't meant to sleep that long.

"Hux has known about us." she declares, her tone jagged with anger. "What happened?"

He doesn't answer, the weight of his gaze growing heavier as he studies her. Open desire kindles in those depths, throwing heat like a dancing wildfire and a delightful shiver walks down her spine regardless of her prickly demeanor, languid, catlike.

"Ben." her attempt to sound threatening fails miserably and she instead gasps his name as he jerks her hips against him.

No evidence of pain on his face, but definite evidence of a growing erection nudging her belly.

Her scowl sharpens. "I'm serious."

"So am I." His smile eases into a devilish grin and he pulls her flush to him again, pressing the flat of his palm into her back, his long fingers kneading her skin as he slips his knee between her legs.

She allows it without rebuke, the carnal whispers in her core unfurling, spreading wide like the fresh wings of a butterfly and reaching for him. He's walking her backwards, slowly. She can sense the presence of the wall before she feels it, cold against the fabric of her blouse, but his hand is warm. She leans up on her toes, hands sliding along his chest to his neck, pulling at him, though he remains at an achingly near distance.

She growls, digging her nails into his scalp.

His lips part in anticipation, flushed and lovely. She wants to bite them, suck them, taste them until she's had her fill and do it all over again. The desire in her throbs agonizingly. He's here now, physically before her, touching her, his scent all-encompassing and provocative as it swallows her, and he won't even allow her a simple kiss.

 _Monster._

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 **THANKS FOR READING!**


	8. We Are the Ocean

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay! Had a massive migraine and needed a short break for a couple days. Thanks for all those lovely reviews! Here it is, the chapter everyone's likely been waiting for. I hope it lives up to expectations. LOL! BTW, we've got one more chapter before the epilogue! Part ix might take a little extra time updating, because I want give this story a decent ending. I've been planning the general outline of the ending, but I like to rewrite my chapters 2-3 times before I'm happy with them. ^^;

 **SONG INSPIRATION:** Too Deep - Ritual Ft. Delilah

 **WARNINGS:** shameless amounts of _explicit_ sexual content (These precious little bunnies are relentless! Bless!)

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Rey growls in frustration, tugging his hair roughly as punishment for teasing her and he groans low in his throat, lips peeling back in a feral snarl. She jerks a second time, _hard_ , and he suddenly lunges forward, yanking her up by her bum and crushing her between him and the wall. Her legs instinctively hook at his back as his hands grip her ass and she bites at him, continuing to punish.

 _You made me frantic. Do you know that? We could have avoided this if you hadn't been so stubborn. Why did we have to wait this long... such a long time._ The ache for him, for this heat, the pressure of his lips, the greed of his hands as they set her on fire—it's the only ache that has ever mattered. So far beyond hunger, beyond thirst. The secret moments they shared between that strange timeless eternity were only murmurings, quiet prayers for a greater something.

 _Balance._

She needs to breathe. Maker, let her breathe. Pulling back, she drags in a shivering dose of oxygen, her surroundings hazy, distant. For one bleary moment she considers his wounds, but the hunger howling for her from within his eyes dampens any concern.

 _He is ravenous._

She captures his mouth again, delighting in the hitch of his breath as she roams the planes of his chest, nails raking over sensitive nipples. He grinds into her, pulling free of her savage teeth and aiming for the flushed skin of her neck. She hisses and throws her head back, hitting the wall roughly, but she only has focus for him. _So much heat._ Nothing could have prepared her for this. She wants to feel him above her, below her. She wants to know what he looks like when he comes apart. _What he feels like._ She wants—

"Bed." she mutters incoherently, but he has already heard her thoughts.

In one fluid motion, Ben swings them around and strides to their destination with a grace Rey will marvel at later. His mouth never leaves her neck and she is practically writhing in his arms, pulling him off balance and making them teeter dangerously. He angles her against him, one of his hands bracing her back as he falls forward and the other stopping his descent fully. Her body bounces on the mattress and he hovers over her, shifting his hand from her back to her stomach, lifting her blouse inch by agonizing inch.

She swallows, throat working dryly as she holds his gaze. She wants more than anything to arch into his touch, to urge him faster, but a part of her hesitates. What lies beyond this final point she will cross? That little girl on Jakku is more a stranger now than ever before.

What resolution awaits that forgotten child? No. Not forgotten.

His fingers graze her breasts and she can't help the breathy noise that escapes her. He raises an affectionate brow as he studies her reactions, the scar— _her_ scar—throwing a deep shadow across his cheek. She reaches up unconsciously, fingertips following its path as another breath escapes her. His lashes flicker, eyes darkening to that welcoming black abyss and she realizes his name had slipped from her lips. She swallows again, her breaths coming faster.

He lifts the hem of her shirt all the way to her neck and she raises her arms, allowing him to remove the garment. He tosses it somewhere behind her and lowers his face to hers. He's holding back, sensing her reluctance. She closes her eyes to break their stare and inhales a needed breath, then opens them again. She has faced all unknowns in her life as that girl had done, with her eyes forward and her heart set.

Ben's head suddenly dips low and his tongue paints a hot line down the center of her chest. Her fingers dig into his shoulders and she pulls at him shamelessly with her lower body, urging him closer. He kisses leisurely along her breasts, ignoring her impatience as she rubs against him, tightening her legs and growling like a petulant child. He chuckles as he takes one of her nipples into his mouth and she gasps, carving her nails down his arms and pressing her head back into the mattress.

The sensation of his tongue rasping over the aroused flesh does inconvenient things to her mind and the vibration of his voice stokes the sweltering fever of the animal inside her. She learned intimately of this curious beast the night he'd kissed the most sacred part of her body, bringing her to a release far beyond sanity or reason.

She dimly registers his mouth lavishing attention on her opposite breast and she reaches above her, grabbing restlessly at the sheets. "Ben!" Her gasp becomes a cry as he bites down on her nipple, holding it hostage between his teeth and dragging his tongue across it. Over and over. Tongue curling, dragging. Over and over.

A burning shiver ripples through her body and she seizes his jaw, entreating him for another kiss. He obliges, slanting his hot mouth over hers and she moans into him, fingers fumbling at his trousers, wanting all barriers between them gone. He takes her wrists, easing them above her head and trailing ghostly fingertips down the curves of her body until reaching her hips. He tugs at the belt loops of her pants and she wiggles to aid him, releasing her legs from his waist and letting him slip the garment off her ankles.

It's a delicious sensation, the slick wetness between her thighs. She rubs her legs together, creating a silky friction that makes her groan as he lays claim to her mouth, his tongue working her senses like a drug. She bucks into him the second his palm's warmth touches her sex, opening her legs and pulling free of that damning mouth. Maker save her.

His finger penetrates her and her eyes roll back, teeth reddening her already ravaged lower lip. He rotates. Once. Twice. Pulls out, slipping along her folds, spreading her wetness. Penetrates again, rotating harder, grinding the heel of his palm into the bud of her sex, syncing his rhythm.

She squirms under his ministrations, her heart quaking in her chest as the heat builds, swelling like a tide of fire over her senses, overriding everything else. She pants, hands furling into the sheets and squeezing his hand between her legs, wanting him deeper. _Wanting more._

He hears her thoughts, loud and desperate over their connection, and he departs from her, standing at the edge of the bed.

She shivers in the absence of his warmth and watches as he undresses completely. Shyness flickers in the back of her mind, but she wills herself to look at him, all of him. The dark attire he wears slims him, too much in her opinion. He is broad, well-toned, his scars highlighting each shadow as if drawing them into him. Her eyes follow the defining trail of hair down from his navel and a rush of exhilaration floods her veins as her attention centers on his erection. She blushes, wanting to avert her eyes out of a reflex of decency, be she cannot look away.

Ben approaches, placing steady hands on her knees. "Move farther up the bed." he commands.

She frowns, defiant.

"It's inherent in you to disobey everyone, isn't it?" He smiles.

She lets out an outraged huff as he leans forward, grasping her hips and shifting her across the sheets with little effort. She nips his chest in reply, making sure to leave a mark, and he hisses, his smile turning absolutely wolfish. Before she can press her assault, he counters her by pinning her shoulders and she glares up at him, the promise of a war if this moment were any other, wounded or not.

"How many scars are you planning to give me?" he asks jokingly.

The question makes her soften and she cards her fingers through his hair. "Scars aren't ugly things."

"No." he agrees, his touch skimming the healed blemish on her shoulder, a scar she'd earned the day they fought Snoke's praetorian guard. The day Ben had found his liberation, yet entrenched they were, still fixed in their rigid ideas of the future.

She tugs gingerly at his hair and he kisses her, long and languid and sweet.

It can be dizzying, this raging storm between them, but there is a silence, a quiet, lingering shadow in the reflection. A blur that cannot be separated. This is where they've always lived... if only she'd understood it at the time. If only he had. _But perhaps that was the point_ , she muses. They had to come to understanding, to _balance_. Only then, could they appreciate the truth of what they are.

His body presses into her and she welcomes him, coiling her arms possessively around his waist and gasping at the feel of his arousal brushing her inner thigh. Her toes curl and her knees quiver in anticipation as he eases her legs farther apart, his kisses journeying along her jaw and down her neck. She swallows, steadying her breathing.

"Look at me, Rey."

She opens her eyes, not having realized she closed them. His swirling gaze catches her up and takes her, like the wind on breezy day would carry a bird. Up to the stars. His stars. Hers. A universe.

She inhales, licking her lips, and nods.

He lingers a moment, swallowing his own nervousness and she leans up, kissing the corner of his mouth. Their eyes never leave one another as he readies himself and Rey inhales one final breath to calm her body.

 _It stings._

She feels the skin of her core stretching to accommodate him as he enters her, but not fully. He waits, his hand near her head trembling as it grasps at the sheets. After a moment, her body relaxes and he eases a little deeper, his lungs releasing a ragged breath. She feels good to him, too good. His emotions and thoughts tease her incoherently. After another moment, he presses slowly until he penetrates her completely and a hiss of pain escapes her.

He opens his mouth to speak but she silences him with a shake of her head. "I'm okay." she promises, some of the tension in her body releasing.

Eventually, the pain begins to ebb and she tests the feel of him, wriggling her hips. He groans instantly and grips her her leg, careful over the healing flesh of her wound. His movement sparks curious new sensations that spread up through her spine and she wriggles again. The feeling is immediate and far more intense, this time drawing a low moan from her throat. Ben kisses her there and she places her hands on his hips, urging him to move.

He obeys willingly, pulling out and entering again. Her nails bite into his skin as she practically purrs and he brings his other hand to grasp the sheets beside her head. The feel of his movement as he pumps gradually—in, out, in, out—feeds the flames below her navel, kindling them, slowly, tortuously. The animal inside her growls with pleasure.

Ben lifts up on his arms and gazes down at her, his eyes velvet dark. The animal in him is matching hers. She can almost hear it now.

His hair is lovely about his head, wild raven tendrils sticking in odd directions and a lock of it caught in the corner of his mouth. She smiles, bringing her hand to his face to smooth it away. He instead catches her thumb between his teeth and rakes his tongue across it. In the same motion he buries himself in her completely and she closes her eyes, throwing her head back and relishing him.

"Faster." she breathes.

He leans down, lavishing her exposed neck with rough kisses. "Bossy." he exhales huskily.

She nods, groaning in the wake of his mind-numbing assault. Any witty retort is lost to her as he increases his pace, body arching with taut muscles and the ridged tip of his cock hitting a spot in her that makes her jaw go slack. He strokes it again and again. Faster and faster. The slapping of their hips and his ragged breathing fills her ears as her heartbeat thunders in her chest.

She's so close to that horizon, somewhere high in the sky, lost in the stars, her beating wings powerful and loud around her. He's close, too. She can feel it in the tightening of his hold as he takes her in his arms, pulling her flush to his chest and kissing her as if she is his final lifeline, the only thing holding him from plummeting to his death somewhere below them.

"Ben!" his name is muffled within the kiss and she grabs at him, only distantly recalling his back injury as her fingers dig into his shoulder blades.

The heat escalates to the point of madness and Ben breaks free of her lips, allowing her a moment to breathe. He's on her again seconds later, his hips erratic and trembling, and she arches up to meet him now, every other breath a desperate moan. He pulls his cock back and buries himself into her hard, and she writhes against him, keening his name and curling her legs around him. The position surprises them both by allowing him deeper penetration and the connection between them shivers uncontrollably as he grinds into her.

"Rey." The sound of her name from his mouth, a low, growling whimper, sends her over the edge.

He follows quickly after her, tumbling into that strange and heavenly aftermath where their hearts echo only a single beat. _Balance._ She grips at him with limbs she has forgotten are hers as her brain short circuits and the world explodes in a vibrant array of shadows and starlight. Boundless color. Boundless sensation. She wraps herself in it as if it were a blanket, experiencing every nuance of this place—their secret eternity—and slowly floats back down, back into his arms.

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* * *

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They make love, again and again... and again.

It was shocking to her at first, the ferocity with which she demanded him and he her, equal beasts in their desire. They were the ocean, turbulent even in the calm, their hidden depths echoing with that fire Rey always knew resonated in her.

She grips the sheets beneath her, her back arching low as his hands glide down her sides, leaving a trail of heat and she bites her lip. He jerks her hips back to meet him and his name leaves her in a rush, the delicious snap of movement sending jolts of pleasure throughout her body. Glancing over her shoulder, she finds a stunning sight. Half-lidded eyes bore into her with a savage want so fierce it makes her core shiver and strong muscles ripple with every thrust, arms rigid and sweat glittering in the dim light.

A scream exits her lips as she peaks and she bows forward to stifle it into the sheets, but Ben quickly drags her up against him, craving her sound, needing the world to hear. His hands grip her breasts as he climaxes seconds later, biting the sensitive flesh of her shoulder with a moan that vibrates down to her bones and she falls back against him, closing her eyes and rotating her hips until his movements come to a leisurely stop.

The fervor of orgasm passes and the world softens, the silence rising around them like a coming tide.

She strains to kiss his jaw, her hair unkempt and in her face. He emits a gravelly chuckle, brushing the wayward, sticky locks aside and nuzzling her neck. She can smell them both, heavy and low, an animal musk that makes her body purr with a possessive delight she has never experienced before.

It feels safe. It feels...

 _... like home_ , his mind whispers with hers.

She peers back at his lazy eyes gazing down at her, their color kindling with warmth and the flush of his skin beautiful. She wants to say it, but the words catch at the back of her throat. They seem too small, too ineffective in this moment.

Instead, she eases up on her knees, allowing her body to release him and turns around, her arms circling at his neck and her knees bracketing his hips. His hair feels so wonderful and tangled. She'd done that. It falls in his face, creating hazy shadows along his cheekbones.

He kisses her then, knowing the words hidden inside of her. A phrase she has been desperate to hear her whole life, desperate to give. And now, it isn't enough. Tears prick at the backs of her eyes and she holds him, suddenly terrified. She cannot lose him. She _will not_ lose him.

They fall, traitorous and wet down her cheeks.

"Rey." he murmurs against her lips. "Rey. Rey."

It's the only thing he can utter; it's all he needs to. Like her, he cannot put words to their connection, cannot describe it in even the most eloquent prose. What are they? Something vast and deep. Something far beyond the description of written language. Something ungoverned by the confines of time.

She breaks the kiss, wanting to look at him, to commit this moment to her memory. He allows it, succumbing to her hands as they cradle his cheeks. She imprints every angle and curve of his face, every flaw. The lovely freckles and moles along his skin that create those curious constellations, a universe only she has traveled. A universe all her own.

He presses his forehead up to hers and they remain this way for a little while.

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* * *

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A distant sound wakes her. She blinks hazily at her environment, sleepy predawn light, the sheets pulled up over her body and the opposite side of the bed absent. The door to the room is also closed. Beyond it, she hears the blurred murmuring of voices. Two of them.

They speak quietly, indiscernible to her ears, but she can distinguish the cadence of pauses with one of them. _Ben._ She reaches out through their connection, sensing his hesitation. The other voice is louder, even a bit sharp, but non-threatening. _Lando._

 _How long have they been talking?_ A long time, she wagers. If that's the case, then the chance for any conflict between them has already passed. _One less thing to worry about._

She sits up and grimaces, the ache of last night's _strenuous_ activities stiffening her muscles. A morning chill crawls up her spine and she grips the sheets snugly around her, rising carefully and tip-toeing across the room to the fresher. A new set of clothes rests on the vanity counter and the cool droplets of a previous occupant dribble down the shower's tile wall.

He must have worn her out more than she realized. A blush tints her cheeks and she smiles despite herself, stretching before the vanity's mirror and absorbing her reflection. Her fingers caress the love bites at her neck and along her shoulders and there… on her inner thigh. He'd made sure to leave that one. Her smile morphs into a sly grin as she remembers giving him marks of her own, vicious teeth tattooing the skin along _her_ scar and maybe one on his inner thigh, too.

He deserved it after all.

She activates the shower head before stepping into the stall and moans contentedly the second the hot water hits her skin. It's not pure bliss, but it's damn close, especially after last night. After last night, she'll be hard pressed to call anything else _bliss_ ever again. She rolls her neck, delighting in the crisp pop of her bones, and takes her time, massaging away the low ache of her muscles and combing lazy fingers through tangled hair.

As she steps out of the stall, she checks her wound before dressing, glad to see that the bruising has diminished. Mostly. Perhaps, they did get a little carried away.

At the door, she stops, her eyes catching on something at the other end of the room. Ben's lightsaber lays exposed and disassembled on what has effectively been turned into a workbench. Its kyber crystal glints in the slants of city lights pouring through the shaded windows. Blood red.

She frowns, curious, but ultimately turns back to open the door.

The two men are at opposite sides of the room, Ben standing near a window with the shades halfway up to reveal the city outside and Lando with his arms crossed standing near the entrance. He is alone. No guards. Ben's body faces away from both Rey and Lando, his hands deliberately at his sides, fists not quite clenching.

Lando had been speaking, but whatever he was saying died in his throat the second Rey entered the room. His gaze roams over her with a blatant knowing and she bites her lip, suddenly wishing she could fade back into the shadowy safety of the bedroom. She feels somehow rude and out-of-place, an intruder.

"Rey." Lando says awkwardly. "Got news from Maz. She said to meet up with her back on Takodana. She's got a present for you."

"Oh…" is all Rey can muster and she berates herself inwardly.

Across the room, Ben hasn't looked at her or Lando, his attention on the activities outside the window. She wants to go to him, but stills herself, focusing instead on what needs to be addressed.

"We leave tonight." she says.

Lando nods. "Yeah. And make sure to remind Maz that she owes me."

Rey chuckles, the smile lighting her face easier than she expects. "We owe you, too."

He laughs abruptly, a true laugh, long and loud and rich with sound. "You're not wrong there, kid."

Rey glances at the hulking shadow across the room, but he hasn't moved. "Maybe if I live through this, I'll find a way to pay it back." She looks to Lando again.

He shakes his head. "The odds were bad before and we made it through." His eyes travel to Ben. "Good people always see it through."

"You sound almost hopeful." Rey teases.

Lando scoffs. "In the end, hope's all you got. Besides," he shrugs his shoulders. "I'm getting too old for this kind of thing."

"You almost sound like you're joining in the fray." Rey comments.

He scoffs again, but doesn't reply. Before he departs, he looks one final time at Ben who still gazes silently out the window. "Remember what I said, Solo."

Not waiting for any acknowledgement from Ben, he sweeps passed the guards awaiting him outside the room, their postures defensive and their eyes quickly darting from Rey to Ben. Then, the door seals shut.

Withdrawing footsteps fade. Rey glances about the room, seeing that her saberstaff and Han's blaster sit atop the center table of the room, almost as if they'd been a part of the previous conversation. Her attention drifts back to the glaring eyesore of silence across the room.

"I'm surprised to say this, but I prefer you in _all_ black." She says cheerily, attempting an innocent start at conversation.

Ben does not answer.

She takes a few steps toward him. "Ben. What's wrong?"

He holds painfully still, his shoulders showing no evidence that he breathes at all.

She moves closer. "Ben?"

"I'm sorry."

The statement catches her by surprise and she gapes at him. "What?"

His head jerks every so slightly. It's a minute give away, only something you'd catch if you were staring hard enough. Rey's heart swells in her chest as she attempts to reach him through the bond, but he is keeping her at a distance.

A shaft of light passes through the window, momentarily illuminating the room before receding, leaving them in their world of dimness again.

"He came to me. Tried to warn me." Ben whispers.

Rey steps in front of him, looking up into his evasive eyes. "What do you mean?"

When she's sure he won't answer her, his eyes slip closed and he murmurs. "Luke." The name comes so quietly she strains to hear.

"Luke?" she parrots back, confused.

"I tried to ignore him. I wanted to ignore him." Ben's gaze settles back on the scenery outside the window, a tired grimace curling his lips.

Then, it clicks. Luke came to him through the Force. Like the Jedi text spoke of and the legends she'd heard in her youth. "He told you about what Hux planned?" Rey asks, amazed.

"No." Ben bows his head. "But he told me I'd have to make a choice."

"What choice?" Rey takes his chin in her hand, tilting his head to face her.

His eyes meet hers and the regret she sees there twists her heart like a vice. "To be a father's son, or a grandfather's failure." he answers.

She is stunned into silence.

"I chose." he asserts weakly... and she understands.

How can he have chosen the path of a father's son after everything he's done, after all the pain and death? So much suffering. How can he walk a path rightfully meant for a virtuous son of a father who loved him when that very son bears the blood of such a father on his wicked hands. A blasphemous bastard of the dark, a fallen man with a sword baptized by the only sacrifice that has ever mattered.

 _A parent's love of their child._

She takes Ben into her arms instantly and he grips her desperately, his body trembling so fiercely a part of her fears he might crumble apart, but she knows he's too strong for that. He has the heart of his father.

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 **THANKS FOR READING!**


	9. Play Nice

**A/N:** My apologies for the wait! I've probably rewritten this chapter about 4-5 times and I'm still not totally satisfied, but I've honestly put forth so much effort that I'm willing to go ahead and post what I've written. Also, this chapter will be divided into two parts instead of a single post like I'd originally planned. It simply ran way too long. Look out for an epilogue as well.

 **EXTRA NOTES:** Now that other content has come out following the movie, we know that Ben sensed his mother surviving the attack in TLJ. Also, another element for this project that I was going to include has been confirmed to be taken from Leia, but I've decided to include it regardless. For any further updates on my Reylo fanfiction projects, check my Reylo side blog on Tumblr: reyloisblessed.

 **SONG INSPIRATION(S):** Vengeance - Zack Hemsey

 **WARNINGS:** nothing major this time, just some bickering between Ben and Rose

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Ben's lightsaber captures her attention for the umpteenth time as they fly in silence, her mind traveling back to the last moments before they'd left the room on Cloud City. After his confession about Luke, Ben had gone to the workbench, taken the cracked kyber crystal and seated himself in the center of the room, legs folded beneath him and hands resting on his knees. His palms faced the ceiling with the crystal resting in his right hand.

It caught the light from the window, winking red.

For a long time, the world around them was utterly silent, Ben's eyes closed and his brow furrowed in concentration. Then, with a shocked exhale the crystal levitated above his palm, a soft rose glow illuminating his face. Rey stepped closer, enrapt, as he fell deeper into mediation, the tension of his body melting away and an alluring calmness radiating from him.

The pinkish hue of the crystal was changing, paling. Her eyes grew wide with amazement as she watched. Lighter and lighter it grew, illuminating the rift within the crystal. It looked like...

A scar.

 _The crystal is a mirror of him,_ she'd thought.

Afterward, he rose slowly and reassembled his weapon, not bothered by Rey as she hovered around his shoulder. She hadn't asked, but...

"Ask Rey." Ben's voice jolts her from the memory.

She smiles awkwardly, feeling like a meddlesome child. Nibbling at her lip, she whispers. "What did you do?"

He smirks as he stares out at the stars. "I purified my crystal." comes the simple reply.

She waits for him to explain further; he doesn't.

.

* * *

.

Maz stands at the rubble of her old home as Rey and Ben approach, evidence of the once great castle cutting gargantuan shadows across the landscape. Behind them, the sun kisses the horizon, bleeding gold and fire across the sky. Ben slows, his shoulders stiff and brittle as he meets Maz's probing stare. Rey ignores their silent exchange and steps up to Maz who turns her shrewd eyes on her, the goggles magnifying them to an uncomfortable size.

"The Rebellion?" Rey asks.

Maz nods. "They are safe. For now." Her gaze flickers again to Ben before focusing back on Rey. "I'm happy to see you're safe as well."

"For now." Rey mirrors.

Maz smiles. "You've held hope for this long." She removes her goggles and beckons for Rey's hand to which Rey gives her. "It would be a shame to give up now." Maz then glances behind her. "Find your way home, have you, Ben Solo?" she sniffs. "He said you'd be stubborn, like your mother."

Ben remains silent, but Rey catches the minuscule flare of his nostrils, the almost invisible tightening of his jaw.

 _'He said you'd be stubborn, like your mother.'_

 _Luke_ , Rey's mind whispers and familiar words brush her senses. _Peace and purpose._

Maz releases her hand. "Come. Time is not a luxury we have."

Rey seeks out Ben's gaze. His eyes are naked, vulnerable, with all the look of an animal prepared to flee and her heart squeezes at the sight. He appears so awkward, so lost in this moment. The mask of Kylo Ren stripped away, the choices of that half self laid bare. This new path before him is a terrifying set of uncontrolled possibilities. A complete unknown.

She smiles reassuringly at him and follows after Maz.

He could walk away, right now. He could run. Her own steps are solid beneath her. She'd be hurt, she'd be angry, but she wouldn't hold him back. She will allow him the choice... as she had in the throne room.

Seconds later, the heavy stride of his feet catch up with her and a lovely grin tugs at her lips despite herself, tears whispering at the corners of her eyes.

They come to the familiar clearing where Han had touched down the Falcon... all those months ago. It feels like an eternity. She pauses mid-step, her heart leaping at the sight before her. Old metal glints dully in the blaze of the sunset, new patches betraying the extent of the damage done by the horrible explosion.

Rey walks closer, very near to the edge of the lake. Memories of her running down the ramp, eyes darting in all directions, drinking in the _green_ before her, cheeks flushing at the feel of cool, moist air. Han coming up behind her, his gruff voice imprinting on her bones as he offered her a chance to fly with him, to be free. Tears fall as she takes in the blackened smoke fused into the metal of the hull. She recalls Leia's face, her voice.

Leia's son bears her eyes, deep, warm velvet. He is the glaring evidence that both of them, Han and Leia, _did_ succeed. That all they fought for was worth every breath, every bruise of failure, every fleeting moment of success.

Rey would have once felt a streak of envy at the realization, but she doesn't. Not anymore.

"How?" she blurts aloud.

Maz scoffs. "Sneaking a ship like this one out from under Poe Dameron's nose is impossible most would argue, but I have my ways."

Rey's heart drops at the mention of Poe.

Maz notices her guilty expression. "He'll come around." she says.

Rey sighs, looking out across the lake. "He trusted me. After what I did, I can't blame him."

"Trust yourself, child. Both of you," she nods, her intense eyes falling on Ben. "Both of you are needed. Poe will understand."

Rey shakes her head. "I—

"You trust the Force, don't you?" A knowing smirk tilts Maz's lips.

Rey does not answer, looking back to Ben. His dark gaze roams along the ship, distant, the tinge of fear catching like a fire in his eyes. He senses her stare, dragging his attention away from the ship to her. For one terrifying moment the swirling disquiet in her chest blooms into a storm, but through the chaos of her thoughts she hears his voice.

 _Together._ The fear in him ebbs and the set of his jaw tells her all she needs to know.

She nods, answering back, _together._

Something stirs and emerges from the ship, thudding down the ramp.

Ben stiffens.

Rey turns just in time to see a rush of brown fur as powerful arms yank her up into a suffocating embrace. "Chewie!" she sputters.

 _'Where have you been?! I was worried!'_ he growls emphatically.

"I know." she bows her head. "I'm sorry."

His hold tightens and he pulls her close as another figure walks down the ramp. Chewie lowers her down and Rey looks up to find a pointed glare framed by disheveled raven locks.

"Rose." she breathes, flabbergasted.

Rose holds her tongue at first, simply gazing from Rey to Ben and back to Rey again. "Don't ask questions. I'm here, because I trust _you_."

Rey bites her lip and nods. "Finn?" she asks, feeling sick with shame.

"Sticking to the plan." Rose says lowly, crossing her arms. "Waiting for us."

"Plan?" Rey whispers, bewildered.

Rose, along with everyone else, turns to Ben. He purses his lips, inhaling a deep breath, and focuses on Rey. She sees his mind, how he had kissed her nose when rising from the bed, never having slept; then the conversation with Lando, the request to speak with Finn... and the agreement on a covert plan right under the nose of the Rebellion to strike the First Order's recently appointed Grand Marshal. _Armitage Hux._

"You should be on your way." Maz urges. "You've one chance to get this right."

No one moves, the growing hum of electricity beating around them, an echo, a heart beat. Everyone can feel it, their expressions unveiled with both awe and unease. Rey breathes in. She can taste it, pure and sharp. An energy. _The Force._

 _'And this is the lesson.'_ Luke's memory whispers.

 _We are destiny,_ her mind suddenly declares, blowing her awareness wide open, the pulse of the world around her, inside her, singing so completely that her heart feels as if it might split its moors and mount from her chest, higher and higher, up into the sky, up to the stars. Aligned stars.

 _We are the call to balance._

She closes her eyes, taking quiet breaths to calm the excitement in her heart. As she opens them, she finds Ben staring directly at her, the shared revelation written all over his face, in the lax set of his mouth, the glistening, childlike wonder of his eyes. _The understanding._

Every step has come down to this moment, this shared action. And she feels as if she is strapped to a runaway comet, no sure clarity of the future, only the certainty that this path is _right_.

At last, Rose and Chewie turn to file up the ramp. Ben lingers in his spot, so Rey moves to follow behind them, but Maz's voice stops her.

"I have something for you." she says softly. "Something Leia wanted you to have."

Rey stares at her, momentarily surprised.

"Take this." She holds out a small, silver rectangle. _A memory drive._ "Coordinates." she says. "Once you reach them, use this again as a key to open a vault."

Rey takes it. "What's inside?"

"I didn't ask, child." Sorrow laces her words. "Now go."

.

* * *

.

A sneak attack. One the Rebellion will unknowingly be creating a distraction for as Poe orders a full on attack against the First Order fleets... and he has no idea. Rey is astounded by Finn's willingness to cooperate with Ben's plan. In fact, she's still having a hard time believing it, a very hard time, because her own willingness remains in question.

The window of the cockpit peers back at her and Chewie, a billion blinking diamonds on a bed of ebony satin, as they prepare for lightspeed. Rose leans stiffly on the paneling behind them, desiring to be as far away from Ben as the Falcon will allow. Ben himself paces the open corridors of the ship. Rey can feel him, like a maddening animal kept too long in a cage, desperate to do something with its claws. _Anything._

After the jump to lightspeed, Rey releases her straps and rises from her seat. Rose and Chewie remain as she walks back through the cockpit access tunnel to the main hold. She finds Ben facing away from her, standing painfully still while he looks on at the hologram table. She stops feet from him, holding her peace as he experiences old memories. The beat of his heart quickens. She can practically feel it in her own chest and she sees a boy, a very young Ben Solo sitting at the table playing dejarik.

Han's voice surrounds her, echoing through the hold. _"Ben! Did you carve your initials into the pilot seat?_ My _pilot seat?"_

The boy grins and Rey is struck by its carefree nature, its largeness. The expression takes over his entire face, bringing a mischievous glimmer to his night eyes and making his nose crinkle. The curious constellations of beauty marks and moles are softer, the rich paleness of his skin kissed by sunlight. In that moment she sees all three of them in young Ben: Han, Leia and Luke.

The boy holds something, too. It glints yellow in the overhead light. _A pair of dice._

Taking a step closer, she places a gentle hand on Ben's arm. No response. "Ben?" she murmurs.

"I can feel your memories here." he says distantly, eyes traveling along every corner. "You've become as much a part of the ship as my... family." The last word wavers from his mouth.

She smiles with a hint of sadness. "There are moments my life before this ship seems as if it belongs to someone else."

His hands move leisurely to her face, smoothing away errant strands of hair, and she closes her eyes, delighting in his feathery touch. The warmth and press of his fingers remind her of the their lovemaking only hours before and she sighs into his hands, pressing a kiss to his palm.

Opening her eyes she leans in to capture his lips, but the mood is broken as they hear both Chewie and Rose coming through the access tunnel. They part, letting their hands fall back to their sides and look off in opposite directions. Rose pauses at the entry way, sensing the intimacy still hanging in the air. Chewie lopes passed her to the lounge, seeming mostly unaffected by Ben's presence. Rey studies them both with shifting eyes and Rose glares over at Ben, her hands balled into fists at her sides.

"You going elaborate on this plan you convinced Finn to be a part of, or are you going to just stand there?" she demands coldly, chin held high.

Ben turns to face her, his movements unnecessarily menacing. Rose stands unaffected and only glares harder at him.

"Well?" she crosses her arms.

"Your allies have no doubt told you that the First Order has divided its forces." he speaks evenly.

"That's right, into three main divisions." she affirms. "Word is that Hux faced problems with the loyalty of his stormtroopers after the truth about Finn circulated their ranks."

Ben nods. "Their numbers have dwindled. Something Hux has attempted to keep a secret."

"But you didn't exactly help him on this front." Rey smirks, suddenly realizing exactly why Hux has sprung the trap as he had. "You were about to move against him. Fortune wasn't just a captured enemy. Both of you had planned this." Her eyes widened more and more as she spoke the words, everything clicking into place. _Finn isn't the only one acting on Ben's gamble._ Fortune's loyalty should have always been obvious, especially to her. She holds her breath a moment, the memory of Ben's strained, bloody face invading her mind. "The only problem was me, your weak point." she says flatly.

Ben holds her stare, his lips toying with a genuine smile. "He saw my weakness long ago, even before Snoke... and he took advantage."

Rey's cheeks flush as his words surround them, naked and undisguised. "You were being stupid." she mutters, pulling at the frayed hem of her shirt.

He shrugs, unruffled by the contempt in her voice, and pushes the conversation forward. "FN-2187 said your general plans to attack the three divisions head on, effectively dividing your own forces." He directs the statement at Rose.

Tendons along Rose's jaw tighten. "Finn. His _name_ is Finn." she growls, taking two threatening steps forward. "Where are you going with this?"

Ben swirls his tongue inside his mouth as if tasting wine. "Only pointing out that your people will be weakening their effectiveness for a plan that won't work."

Rose's patience disintegrates. "Out with it!" she snaps.

Ben raises a sardonic eyebrow. "It isn't surprising that FN-2187 has already caught on." he proclaims slyly, deliberately using Finn's old serial number. "He came of the First Order after all. Not some ragtag Rebellion—

Rose moves abruptly, reaching for her blaster, eyes blazing. Ben's hand shoots out instinctively, lips peeling back over gritted teeth.

Rey leaps between them in haste, hands flailing. "There's no need for this! Rose put that away and Ben," she turns a hard glare on him, "can you _not_ be yourself for five seconds? Please?"

Minutes drag by. Then, with a vexed huff, Rose relinquishes her weapon and Ben slowly softens his stance, lowering his arm. Rey sighs, dropping her hands. At the hologram table Chewie surveys the scene with wary eyes. The ship seems to groan in agreement.

"Now," Rey whispers. "Let's play nice and actually end this war."

.

* * *

.

"You're crazy." Rose exclaims, glowering at Ben as he stands idle, arms at his sides and expression rigid. She turns to Rey, throwing up her hands in exasperation. "There's no way this is going to work! You mean to tell me this is what Finn has risked his neck for?"

Rey bites her lip, hating to say it but... "She's right, Ben."

"I've never cared much for the odds. I follow my instincts." He pauses, letting the silence gather around them, reminding Rey of the moment she was at his mercy in the throne room. "They've never failed me." A coy smirk tugs at his lips.

 _"We don't have a lot of options."_ Chewie growls.

Rey tears her gaze away from Ben. "No." she agrees.

"Do you really expect a group of stormtroopers supposedly turned rogue within the First Order to actually help us?!" Rose yells incredulously. "How can we trust them?"

"We trusted Finn... and Fortune." Rey points out.

"That's different." Rose says. "If these soldiers are really against the First Order, they would have defected. Joined our side."

"It's more complicated than that." Ben interjects. "Your spies infiltrated the lower ranks of the First Order and those who have not been rooted out are more exposed now than ever."

"What do they have to do with...?" The final cog fits into place and the answer comes tumbling out of Rose's mouth. "You're suggesting these stormtroopers are trying to protect our spies?"

Ben circles his gaze around the hold, making an effort to look bored. "Their families are captives of the First Order as equally as your spies." he exhales deeply. "I told you. Complicated."

"And Poe will be attacking the divided fleets along with those spies." Rey adds with a dismal frown.

Rose's face falls.

"What of the Grand Marshal?" Rey continues.

Ben sneers at the title. "Tucked safely away from both the First Order and the Rebellion."

Rose staggers back, umber eyes flickering. "What do you mean?"

"As I said, FN-2187 realized the obvious. Hux is not with the First Order." He grits out impatently. "If I hadn't contacted him, your general's whole plan would be for naught. Now, at least, it will suffice as a distraction."

Rose looks about ready to set him on fire when Chewie's growl stops everyone. _"We're here."_

A beat of silence.

Rose then turns on her heel, throwing over her shoulder, "I need to contact Finn." She disappears through the tunnel with stiff footsteps and Chewie soon follows, leaving Ben and Rey alone in the hold.

.

* * *

.

It was good to hear Finn's voice over the comm despite the exchange involving only Rose and himself.

Rey takes a deep breath, glancing down at her saberstaff. The Rebels have begun their first attacks. It won't take long for Hux and his partner to realize something else is amiss if anything should go wrong. _And it will_ , a part of her whispers.

 _Even so_ , her mind growls, _we'll adapt. We must succeed here._

"Ready for this?" Ben murmurs only loud enough for her to hear.

"No." she admits, smiling. Why must she smile at the oddest times?

He peers at her with half-lidded eyes, lips twitching, but instead of saying anything she feels his fingers intertwine with hers.

Another deep breath.

They will move like shadows.

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* * *

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 **PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW! I LOVE HEARING FEEDBACK!**

 **THANKS FOR READING!**


	10. See it Through

**A/N:** The final chapter! Thanks for all the support and I hope you enjoy the ending! I honestly feel so out of my league when it comes to Star Wars canon. I hope I didn't make too many eyesores. I've rewritten this one more than part xiii, honestly, and I'm basically frazzled with it right now. This chapter is a monster! LOL! Epilogue to be posted shortly.

 **SONG INSPIRATION(S):** Hero (feat. Mike Mains) - Tommee Profitt

 **WARNINGS:** extreme action sequences, profanity, gore/blood description and intense heart-wrenching moments (Steel yourselves!)

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* * *

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Rey blinks.

None other than Lando Calrissian winks up at her, his expression one of pure mischief, and she gapes at him. Remembering instantly that the last time they locked eyes had been when she was coming out of the bedroom which both she and Ben had shared brings a lively flush to her face and she drops her eyes, knowing for a fact he had spied some of the love bites peaking above her collar. Ben nods from beside her as they descend down the Falcon's ramp with Rose following close behind, her mouth thinned into a line of suspicion.

"Glad to see your wounds healing well." Lando grins slyly.

Ben clears his throat, glancing over at Lando's ship. "Why am I not surprised you broke with the plan? You were supposed to be among the Rebel forces."

"I was." Lando agrees. "But, I figured, what the hell. It's not often you get to see your little starfighter in action."

Ben stiffens, his face going positively crimson. "Don't call me that!"

"Calm down, Solo. Your pride will survive." Lando winks again. "You're as bad as your old man."

Something about the statement hangs in the air; not like an undesired guest as most statements like this would warrant, but softer somehow. _Memory soft._ Like a warm and distant _when_ with smiling faces and innocent laughter.

"I really shouldn't say 'old.' Reminds me of me." Lando adds, only half joking.

Rey opens her mouth to speak, but Rose interjects in a brusque tone. "Excuse me, but who exactly are you?"

Lando steps up to her with a polite bow. "Lando Calrissian."

Rose's eyes go as wide as saucers. "You were the one who fired the shot that destroyed the Death Star in the Battle of Endor!"

"Guilty." he smirks.

"I guess it is a good thing you're here, then." She flashes him a broad smile while simultaneously nibbling her lip in embarrassment.

Rey finds Rose's expression both endearing and comical. A part of her wonders if this was her expression the day she had met Han Solo, wondrous and shocked to see one of her childhood heroes brought to life. Her eyes flit to Ben's profile and she notes his uncomfortable frown.

 _His frown is the ghost of his father when he's flustered,_ she muses.

From behind them, a growl echoes at the Falcon's entrance and Chewie suddenly lumbers down the ramp heading straight for Lando. A grunt of laughter escapes the man as Chewie lifts him up into his arms and Rey finds herself giggling at once. If things go well then hugs like these will be plenty. Her hands furl into fists. Maker, she hopes for it.

"It looks like Chewie knew about Lando's plan all along." Rey says around her fit of giggles.

"Of course he did." Ben drawls, looking on as if unimpressed.

"So how are we sneaking in?" Rose asks, bringing everyone back to the task at hand.

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* * *

.

A blind spot, apparently.

Ben and Lando discuss what they know about the clandestine base as well as the planet of its location, a gaseous black and red giant with storms that can potentially disrupt scanners from detecting an incoming ship if the storm is large enough... and a ship comes in low enough. _But that would mean—_

"You can't be serious." Rey interrupts the conversation, glaring at Ben.

He centers his attention on her, expression placid.

Lando makes an awkward sound at the back of his throat. "I'd assume you know by now that he's the serious type."

Rey ignores him, keeping her focus on Ben. "You expect to breach the planet's shields by lightspeed and actually survive?"

"I know we can. It's been done." Ben says shortly.

"By who?" Rey snaps back.

"I don't think who it was matters." Rose inserts. "What matters is getting on the planet and in that base _—_

"By who?" Rey demands again.

"My father."

The main hold of the Falcon goes silent and everyone peers around unsteadily. Ben looks on at Rey with pointed eyes, nothing in his body betraying the chaotic trembling of his signature in the Force. How he mentions his father; his tone, so sure, _so protective_. Rey shifts warily on her feet, reading what she can in his eyes. The intensity there is almost terrifying. He swallows earnestly, the tendons along his neck standing out.

Chewie grunts, breaking the heavy stillness.

"My father breached the shields of Star Killer. When he came with FN-2187 to rescue you and sabotage the base, I knew. There was no other way he could have bypassed the shields." Ben whispers.

Rey closes her eyes as the memories assail her, cold and bitter, and she wonders if that bitterness will ever go away. Through the bond, she feels Ben's own sorrow, the sour taste of his guilt seeping deep into his bones, rotting away at him.

He has to do this. _He has to, or he will go mad._ The realization unsettles one part of her and yet appeases another. _This is the most important thing he believes he will ever do._

 _And I will stand beside him to see it through._

She takes a composing breath, nodding more to herself than anyone else. "Alright then. Now, what do we do with Lando? He didn't exactly fit into our original plans."

Lando chuckles. "I have my own plans, kid, don't you worry."

.

* * *

.

In theory, the idea of landing the Falcon coming out of lightspeed is one hero story Rey would've listened to with ardent fascination as a child, but in practice, and now especially as an adult, she knows such reckless abandon can exact any number of penalties.

Thank the Maker both she and Ben are such good pilots, and _—_

 _Is he grinning?_

"We almost died." she says, dropping her hands from the control panel into her lap.

"Yeah." he replies, barely moving his lips from that delirious grin.

"It's amazing the ship survived. You didn't pull up when _—_

"I did pull up." The grin vanishes instantly and he cocks a sardonic eyebrow at her. "You didn't give it full thrusters when _—_

"We _are_ alive back here, just in case either of you care to know." Rose calls out to them. "Though, I think Chewie might never forgive the two of you."

Ben and Rey share a nervous glance.

 _"I'm too old for this."_ comes Chewie's low groan.

"You and me both." Lando grumbles. "Now, come on. I've already put us behind schedule."

.

* * *

.

In the thick of the storm it's impossible to tell the bodies between the hellish twisters of sand, though Rey can feel them. She breaths shallowly, the air of the planet stinging her lungs. They should not linger out here.

Glancing up to Ben, she notes his pained expression. She has felt it, too. From the moment they entered this planet's atmosphere, the Force has rubbed against their senses like sandpaper, chafing them raw. _Fitting_ , she thinks.

"About twenty meters ahead." Rose calls over the howl of the wind.

"We'll enter through the sewage tunnels." Ben calls back.

"If we can find the outlets." Lando declares. "We can barely find our own ass in this mess."

Chewie huffs in agreement, but no one hears him. Rey considers commenting on the humor of Lando's assessment, but decides against it. Her mouth already tastes like the grating wind around her.

She shields her face and tries to look up into the clouds, but she is suddenly blinded. The strike of lightning radiates over her nerve-endings like a phantom whip and she feels Ben hunch over beside her. Her own arms curl protectively around her waist and her eyes squeeze shut with the sharp scrape of pain.

"What's wrong?" Rose yells beside them.

Rey waves her hand, attempting to conceal her grimace. "It's just the storm."

"It's more than the the storm." Ben says lowly.

"Come on!" Lando pushes ahead of them. "We're wasting time."

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* * *

.

They enter from one of the service tunnels into what appears to be a factory basement level. Gargantuan metal beasts, AT-M6s, stand in rows upon rows of production lines with other military machinery filling the great cavity of the room. New state-of-the-art TIE fighters, sleek vampiric bodies of black and silver durasteel-alloy, sit perched above them as if carrion birds, their dark glass cockpits like so many eyes, watching them.

"Your contact from Canto-Bight produces durasteel-alloy for this hardware, right?" Rose inquires barely above a whisper as she looks at Lando expectantly.

He nods, surveying the mass production lines. "We've been keeping an eye on him for months. If Solo hadn't turned when he did, we would have warned the Rebellion regardless." He looks to Rey. "Why do you think I was the one on Maz's ship waiting for her when you dragged _that_ sorry disaster on board." Ben ignores Lando's pointed nod in his direction, seemingly too focused on something ahead of him.

"It's clever on Hux's part, really." Rose reflects. "You cut out the cost of a middle man through partnering up with the biggest producer. Block that producer from manufacturing for the opposing team by offering something they can't resist in exchange for loyalty, then put a strangle hold on all other competition."

"Ones who think they'll never join one side and continue to profit off both eventually realize the truth." Lando gives her a wry smile.

Ben's shoulder brushes Rey and she turns to him. He nods, one quick jerk, and then he's moving through the broken shadows cast around them. Rey and the others follow, hastening passed unsuspecting factory workers and heavily armed guards. By some stroke of luck and impeccable instincts, they make it to the opposite side of the factory floor without being spotted, neither by naked eye or camera lens.

"Alright." Ben exhales, glancing around their hidden corner to the number of exits. "This is where we part ways."

Everyone nods, each recounting their independent objectives. Chewie will to go with Rose to the main power supply room, while Lando will go on his own to _'create the necessary distraction you and lover-boy need'_ as he so aptly put it a short time earlier. Ben had scowled irritably and Rey had done her best to hide her reddening cheeks. Now, they only look at one another with simple, decisive purpose.

"Good luck, little starfighter." Lando winks and darts off through a closing door.

Ben looks after him at first with annoyance, but Rey sees the longing behind it. His parted lips seal back shut and he motions for Chewie and Rose. They glance at one another for a breath and then hurry down a long winding corridor to Rey's left. Rey braces herself for the worst, reaching out through the Force as they race toward their objectives, expecting at any second that they will be found, captured.

She focuses so hard, she does not realize the extreme pain along her temples until it pierces deep into her brain and radiates outward with a white, vengeful heat. Ben's arm catches her as she lurches back.

"Steady. Don't exert your strength. We're going to need it soon. The others will be fine."

"You don't know that." Rey argues.

"No." he whispers. "But, I do know that whatever is happening in the Force isn't altogether natural."

"It feels like something is warping it." Rey groans through her teeth. "I feel like I'm being warped with it."

"Yes." Ben replies. "So conserve your strength."

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* * *

.

The taste of hatred on her tongue, like the acrid lick of a chemical burn, lets her know exactly where the grand marshal resides—at the very heart of this facility. A low animal pulse within the web of awareness moving through the corridors to what she assumes is the command center. _Naturally._

Ben motions to their right as a duo of stormtroopers appear around the bend of the corridor and Rey reacts immediately. She aims for the trooper closest to her, darting forward in a low couching run and sweeping her leg in a wide arc. The man grunts in surprise before he registers what is happening and falls, arms flailing and blaster flying. She angles forward and yanks his helmet off while planting both feet in a single movement and thwacks his skull against the wall.

He crumples to the floor, out cold.

Glancing over at Ben, she finds his own trooper in awkward angles propped up against the wall and an idea suddenly strikes her.

"It's a great idea." he affirms, reading her thoughts.

"We need a place to stash them."

He nods.

Moments later, Rey looks at Ben through the darkened visor of a stormtrooper helmet. He tilts his own helmet at her, its blank expression glinting in the overhead light.

"You look too short for a stormtrooper." he purrs through the modulator.

"Oh yeah," Rey grouses. "And how the hell do you think you look?"

A beat of silence.

Then, she abruptly bursts into choking giggles.

He looks _beyond_ ridiculous and something about this entire scene makes her heart ache in a strange way. By First Order standards, he appears presentable, but she knows who exists under that mask. Rey knows the pride, the aloft disdain and one cannot forget the reminder of the _traitor_. She grins impishly.

"I outrank you. See?" She points to the black pauldron on her left shoulder.

He approaches, his hidden smirk as apparent to her as his towering height. "If we live through this, I wouldn't mind seeing how well you give orders."

Rey nearly swallows her own tongue at his boldness. "L-let's keep moving." she stutters, face hot.

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* * *

.

A series of light flickers ripple through the facility as two stormtroopers step aboard a freight elevator. They ride up the levels in silence with their lightsabers tucked safely away beneath their white armor. Beside them, a trio of guards glance around in mild alarm, but continue on with their conversation. Their dark red fatigues are branded with an emblem that is not of First Order.

Rey spares a furtive glance up at Ben as another roll of flickers dim the lights lining the walls, this time stronger, more persistent.

 _Almost,_ he whispers to her.

They step off the ramp onto their floor just as the lights go out completely. Crimson backups kick on and an alarm blares. Then, that goes out, too. Shouts rise through the facility and both stormtroopers propel forward before the chaos can drive them back.

"Tico is pretty good." Ben pants from beside Rey, his tone absent of any sarcasm.

"You have no idea." Rey replies.

A sudden explosion rocks one of the lower levels and Rey has to grab onto Ben to steady herself. It thunders up through the metal like a leviathan roar and she grits her teeth against the sound.

"That would be Calrissian." Ben drawls. "I should have seen that coming."

Stormtroopers and other guards in the same maroon fatigues pour into the murky corridors, filing passed them in the pandemonium. Rey grabs hold of Ben's hand and jerks him forward in the opposite direction of the flow.

.

* * *

.

Whatever is wrong with the Force stews Rey's blood as they approach the command center... and there is a high pitched ringing. Why did she not notice it before? It's getting louder. Her stomach turns and she seizes Ben's arm out of reflex, an unexpected feeling of nausea overtaking her. He grips her shoulder with his free hand and she can feel his hold trembling. She peers at the blaster in his other hand. It wavers.

"It's Hux." Ben growls. "Somehow... I don't know how he..." his voice trails off as another wave of nausea hits them both.

A prickling heat builds at the base of Rey's skull and she walks faster, her body teetering unsteadily. "We have to hurry!"

Ben staggers beside her, pulling her forward with his weight into a clumsy run. They read the Force regardless of the pain, sniffing out their target's direction as they move. A strange nest of barbed coils has taken hold of their minds. It squeezes them like the coils of a snake and Rey fancies more than once that her head will simply yield to the pressure, crunching into a thousand gory pieces.

"Just ahead!" Ben grits out.

But the pain is so intense. She can barely see around the swells of color clouding her vision. "Ben," she moans, the modulator distorting his name.

"Stay focused!" he hisses.

They cross through an open archway to a wide-mouthed balcony. A wall of windows lies beyond it and for a breath Rey thinks her mind gets lost in the storm clouds outside, drawn in like a moth to a flame. The energy outside of the large room feels serrated and erratic and her skull pulsates with it. Through her haze, she sees Ben collapse to his knees, his hands pulling his helmet as the sound becomes unbearable, drilling into her ears, into her brain. She falls beside him, cupping her hands at the sides of her own helmet in a futile attempt to keep the sound out.

It continues to burrow, deeper and deeper, rattling her bones like thunder. _Or is that real thunder?_

Ben successfully rips his mask away and jerks his head around, eyes scanning, but Rey knows he can scarcely see. Eventually, she is able to hook her shuddering fingers under the lip of her own headgear and she quickly shoves it away, sweat smearing across her face.

 _Our sabers! We need to draw our sabers!_

Something shakes the facility—possibly another explosion from Lando, though Rey cannot tell. Her mind feels emptied, stripped all the way down to the quick. Even her bones feel hollow.

"Rey!" Ben husks out, but he's floating away now... or maybe she is.

 _Everything seems so out of reach._

"Well, well, well. This is unpleasant, however, unsurprising."

 _Hux._

Rey glares upward, hoping her eyes can focus. She finds him at last; there, about ten paces away to their right. The balcony's edge. He leans against the railing watching them, his arms folded over his chest and his stare glittering.

"I should have known better than to trust anyone else with getting rid of you two." Hux's voice moves, circling them. "If you want something done right, you always have to do it yourself."

Ben twists beside her, attempting to aim his blaster, but it slips through his convulsing fingers and clatters to the floor. The hastening cadence of surrounding men alerts Rey that her own blaster would be a useless route. Ben lets out a snarl of frustration and attempts to get to his feet, though he falls back down, lips quivering and spittle dripping to the floor.

"This is rather poetic, Ren. Don't you think?" Hux is closer, much closer. "After all, it was your folly that allowed FN-2187 to release the rebel scum in the first place. Now look at you. I would say fate has a sense of humor after all."

Rey slides her hand along her waist aiming for her saberstaff when something hard connects with her temple. She hits the floor with a brutal thump and black stars erupt over her swirling vision, pain spreading over more pain. Perhaps if her head imploded from the pressure it would be better. Maybe then, she could think straight.

Someone else approaches through the archway from the corridor, choppy, hastening footsteps. Low voices. Then Hux.

"There has to be more than just one. Find the others!" he orders. "Take as many men as you need and find them!"

 _Lando..._ Rey's heart squeezes in agony. Somewhere far away, she feels Ben's own fear spike and she claws for mental clarity.

Hux approaches them again, standing directly in front of Rey. His scent wafts over her, stringently clean skin, pressed material, but no hint of warmth. It occurs to her that Hux smells inhumanly hygienic. She dares a glance up at him, the shifting light of the storm hurting her eyes.

"You have been a thorn in my side from the moment you left that second-rate junk planet." he spits venomously.

She grins coldly. "A thorn does what a thorn can."

Another blow, this time from her back. Her jaw slams into the floor and her teeth clamp into her tongue unexpectedly. Ben, clear of mind for the first time, growls like a wild animal and wrenches up to his feet. Rey tastes blood and it somehow brings her back, connecting her head to her body. Ben lands a solid punch to one trooper, knocking him unconscious before the others are upon him, striking his chin, his shoulder, his knee. He can do little more than throw his hands out in front of him to cushion his landing.

"Search them. Take whatever weapons they're hiding." Hux intones.

 _Damn!_

"I'll keep them alive for a little longer." he continues. "I want them to _see_ it."

Thinking fast, Rey centers all her mental focus onto the window, pushing it _hard_. A crack suddenly spiders over its surface as, at the exact same time, a parallel crack splinters through her mind and she doubles over, screaming.

"Rey!" Ben hollers, but his voice is swimming, broken and overlapping.

"Bring down the shutters! Bring them down!" Hux shouts hysterically. "We can't risk the storm! Shut them!"

Rey realizes hazily that the storm is how Hux has been able to nullify her Force abilities. The storm. _The storm._ Though, it isn't just any storm and the window isn't just any window. It's a magnetic mirror. The facility is the nucleus... and it is already damaged. Pierce the membrane of the core and the balance of the organism is shattered.

 _Ben_ , she presses through their connection, the agony in her skull pounding like a drum. _Ben... the window. Now!_

His signature curls around her, through her, and her awareness surges forward, hammering against the reinforced durasteel glass like a psychic battering ram. More cracks spider out. Again. An alarm shrills. Again. Again. Rey grits her teeth, growling a low animal sound as she feels Ben drive their combined energy forward one last time.

The deafening crash is everywhere, all encompassing, and the unseen coils unravel from her mind like harmless smoke. She's on her feet instantly along with Ben, her saberstaff drawn. Blasters aim for their chests, but a new explosion, one very close to their location, rocks the facility. Lightning clashes before the jagged view of the window, so bright Rey's eyes throb with it, and then the throng of stormtroopers are on them.

Rey swings low, aiming for unsuspecting knees and takes out three in one swipe. Ben blocks a blaster shot from hitting her and decapitates the shooter. As she turns to stand back-to-back with him, she notes several of the guards fleeing, Hux among them. Reading her, Ben pivots, throwing his hand out ahead of him and ripping it backwards in a claw-like motion. As if on a string, Hux is dragged astern, legs flailing and face contorted in pain.

Rey takes out the final guard at Ben's exposed flank and spares a cursory look around. _Alone._

Thunder rumbles ominously as Hux chokes wetly, spit and blood glistening on his lips.

"You will call off your First Order attack. You will tell your troops their leader has been conquered and you _will_ yield." Ben's words are cold steel.

"It's over Hux." Rey deactivates her weapon. "There's no need to cost more innocent lives."

He glowers up at them, his fists balled at his neck. "No."

They could make him, easily if they wanted, but Rey knows Ben wants Hux to willingly submit.

"I make this offer only once." Ben says evenly. "You yield and I let you live."

Rey's eyes flit to him. _Mercy? He is allowing Hux mercy?_ She does not know how to feel about such an idea.

"Do you take my offer?" Ben asks, eyes resolute.

Hux's expression shifts to a malicious grin. "It must be excruciating for you to say that to _me._ " The words come out flatly. "It must tear at your insides."

Ben remains dangerously still, his weapon downcast.

"It's more than the Rebellion would give you!" Rey snaps. "More than I would!"

"Rey." Ben warns, eerily calm.

"Do you really believe they will welcome you back with open arms?" Hux coughs. "You are still their enemy, even if you've been fucking their precious Jedi whore!"

Ben suddenly charges forward, hoisting the man up by his throat with bare hands and a grip of pure animal ferocity.

Hux sputters laughter, blue eyes wild. "Kill me! Go ahead! Kill me!"

Rey thinks for a moment that Ben really means to do it, to snap his adversary's neck and end it there. Seconds tick by. Another blinding flash of lightning, the thunder resounding through the air. And in the end...

He drops him to the floor.

Hux smears the spit from his mouth and glares up at Ben.

"You don't get out that easily." Ben murmurs, his voice lost to the storm, but his lips move clearly enough.

Rey breathes a sigh of relief, about to turn to Ben when—

The room suddenly rips in half as a massive fireball bellows up from the depths of the facility, sending all three occupants flying. For a suspended moment, Rey sees Ben's expression of shock as he is hurled in the opposite direction; she sees Hux, eyes wide and lips forming an unknown word as he is launched out into the storm. The distant consciousness of her mind shrieks in terror as she watches Ben's silhouette disappear into the roaring flames and she loses sight of him completely.

Then nothing.

Then darkness.

.

* * *

.

 _Get up Rey!_

She starts awake in a mass of fire and smoke. Her body protests avidly as she attempts to stand up and she falls back with a cry. Warm wetness trickles down her forehead. Blood. With as many times as she has hit her head, she wonders truthfully if there will be any lasting damage. If she lasts at all, that is. Surrounding flames lick at her body, their stifling heat blistering her skin even beneath her layers of armor and clothing.

"Ben!" her voice cracks.

No answer.

Panic races through her veins and she tries to get up again. She eventually succeeds with a grimace.

"Ben!"

The smoke burns deep in her lungs and she covers her mouth with her hand.

 _Where are you?_ she calls through their bond. _Answer me!_

"Ben! Ben!" Each shout cuts at her throat. "Ben! Where are you? Answer me! Ben!"

"Rey!"

Distant.

"Ben?" she runs forward, almost tripping over fallen debris. "Ben!"

"Rey!"

She can feel him now, a frantic pulse in the chaos, and she nearly rushes full tilt over the freshly made chasm which was once the command center. Smoke and storm clouds converge, lightning stabs at her eyes and she sees him. Out across the gaping abyss of fire, he stands at the opposite ledge, embers floating up in front of him. A momentary flash of Star Killer calls up from the hidden passages of memory and she grabs at her chest.

"Get back to the others!" he yells. "This place is falling apart!"

Rey shakes her head, anger seizing her. "No way in hell I'm leaving you!"

"Dammit! Don't argue with me!" He snarls. "I'll meet you, but you have to find the others! We don't have long before this place—

Flames bellow up in front of them, the roar smothering his voice and the fire blocking him from view.

"Ben!" Rey shouts, heart pounding.

"Go Rey!" His words are lost again to the howl of the fire, but she can make out one final, "I'll meet you at the Falcon!"

With everything inside of her screaming in protest, she turns... and runs.

.

* * *

.

 _He'll make it,_ she tells herself. _You know he will. Find the others, Rey._

With her eyes darting frantically in search of Rose, a frazzled Lando Calrissian takes her by complete surprise. She collides into him at full speed, sending both of them into the nearby wall. He cries out in surprise as she grasps his arm to steady him and he stares down at her with open horror. A fresh bruise darkens his right cheek and the shoulder of his cape is singed and frayed. Ten extra years seem to have been worn upon his face.

"Damn kid. You look..." he trails off, glancing behind her. "Where's Ben?" Alarm laces his voice.

"We got separated." Rey pants. "He's heading for the Falcon. Where are Rose and Chewie?"

"Already out. They're bringing the Falcon to the Hangar. I came back looking for the two of you." Lando replies and peers back behind her again despite her words.

"We don't have a lot of time. Come on!" she urges, jerking him with her.

 _The hangar, Ben! Go to the hangar!_ Marker, let him hear her. _Please._

.

* * *

.

The Falcon sits waiting for them under a yawning hole that was once a roof. Now it is nothing more than twisted, cauterized durasteel. The wreckage of other ships belch acrid fumes and rolling fire, casting the massive cavity in a hellish orange dance of light. Lightning strikes in the clot of red clouds above and Rey thinks for a moment she has fallen into the barren wasteland of Torment.

Rose waves her arms desperately at Rey and Lando the second she spots them. "Move!" she shouts.

As they reach her, Rose's eyes search for Ben. "Where is he?" she asks, face hard.

"He's coming." Rey nods emphatically. "I can still feel him. He's alive."

"He better be." Lando growls roughly, looking around at the ruined environment. "And he better move his ass. We don't have much time."

None of them proceed up the ramp into the Falcon and Rey will later realize that they were as worried for Ben's welfare as she was. But for now, she furls her hands into fists at her sides and waits, the attention of her mind focused on the shivering, blazing spark of Ben's signature within the Force.

Lightning dazzles the three of them and they shield their eyes.

Minutes tick by.

Another flash in the sky, this time followed on the heels by a stupefying boom of thunder.

All three of them flinch.

"Rey?" Rose asks.

"He's closer." Rey exhales a quivering breath, her heart still wedged in her throat from the thunder.

"If he doesn't show up in the next three minutes I'm going ba—

An all too familiar signature suddenly flares up in the Force and Rey sees the path of blue too late. A blaster bolt cuts through the smoke straight for Lando and she whips around, centering on the glare of hateful, cerulean eyes.

 _Hux!_

She turns, igniting her saberstaff and propelling herself in front of Lando when the bolt suddenly freezes in midair. Relief floods through her veins as Ben steps out from the curling smoke, his face ashen and haggard but alert, though her relief abruptly vanishes when Hux jerks around and charges at Ben. The two crash out of sight in the haze and the blaster bolt wavers. Rey hastily yanks Lando out of the way as Ben's hold on it releases and it pangs off the wall behind them.

"That bastard!" Rose yells.

"Ben!" Lando cries. "Where did they go?!"

Rey darts ahead blindly in search of them. She finds them wrestling near the edge of a drop, the background of open sky a roiling apocalypse. Her stomach tangles into knots and she wonders why Ben has not drawn his lightsaber. _Where is his lightsaber?!_

Hux aims the blaster again, but Ben knocks it free from his hand and sends it clattering over the edge. She notes that her lover's movements are uneven, aimless, the mental and physical exhaustion grinning out at her like brazen markers. _And Hux sees them, too._

Confirming her suspicions, Hux draws a dagger and her body is moving at once. She howls like an animal as she bears down on him, fear and anger and desperation all snarled up into a single thought: _I cannot lose him!_

Hux's expression broadens with that same malicious grin as he faces Rey and it all happens in an instant. Rey's saberstaff swipes downward, missing Hux by centimeters and a bloodied hand grabs a fistful of her shirt. Her eyes widen as it pulls, using her momentum and tipping her over the edge. Hux's bloody face bares more of his teeth at her as he drags her with him, intending to pull them both to their death.

Somewhere, Ben's horrified shout enters her mind and she wonders offhandedly if this is what fate has always intended for her. She can't complain. After all, she would gladly chose this death over a lonely, withered life on Jakku. At least here, she has found happiness.

Without warning, another body appears between them, breaking Hux's hold on her and shoving her backward. She can feel the use of the Force as her shirt rips and a gasp leaves her throat. Ben locks eyes with her. Panic clutches her chest as his own body angles outward, slipping over the edge, and behind him Hux stares in slack-jawed amazement.

Rey scarcely feels the bark of pain up her spine as her rear hits the floor and she skids several yards away from the precipice. Rose crouches at her side as Lando runs for the edge, shouting for Ben, and Rey's heart does a frightening thing. It goes silent.

Everything seems to slow down, the world around her undulating in lazy currents of time. Inside her, she feels a scream building, the heart unbeating in her chest beginning to splinter, beginning to break.

Then, as if touched by an exposed wire, energy crackles through her veins, launching her heart into a gallop. She's on her feet, bolting toward the drop.

"Rey!" Rose calls, but Rey ignores her.

 _I cannot lose him!_ her mind repeats, over and over, a demand, an appeal... a whimper.

Shoving Lando aside, she raises her hand with clawed fingers, beckoning out toward Ben's upturned expression, his raven hair rippling with the wind. Drawing on all her energy she reaches for him, imagining his body as a feather, light and weightless. Her teeth pierce viciously into her already wounded tongue as she focuses, her mind wrapping around him like protective wings.

Lando's exclaim of shock goes unnoticed as she feels Ben's descent slowing, a half-crazed laugh bleating from her lips. _It's working! It's work—_

One final explosion roars up through the facility and Rey's single thought before the blackness is to protect Ben, to shield him.

.

* * *

.

 _Are you sleeping?_ _Rey?_

 _I can still feel your heartbeat. Wake up, Rey._

.

* * *

.

"Let me in there! I want to see her! Now!"

Rey blinks, feeling strangely as if she is absent a body. And a mind, for that matter.

"Finn! Calm down! You can see her when she wakes." A woman's voice. _Rose._

"It's been a month," comes another. Another man, older. _Lando._

She wonders at that statement. _A month? A month since what?_

"No one knows why she fell into a coma, or when she'll come out of it. And that's not something you can control, Finn. Relax, alright."

 _Poe._ Rey tries to turn her head to study her environment, but a sudden, sharp pain pries at her skull.

"Let me see her, or I start swinging." Finn snarls.

"Captain, no one is admitted to see the patient right now. I'm afraid all of you will have to leave the infirmar—

A fleshy thwack resounds throughout the room.

"Finn!" Rose exclaims in horror.

"Dammit Finn!" Poe echoes.

"Just let us see her." Lando says. "What's the harm in that?"

"Why don't you step aside and have that nose looked at." Poe whispers to someone.

Departing, angry footsteps. Then, a group of approaching ones, all equally hesitant and eager. Rey blinks again as fuzzy shapes float into her vision.

"She's awake." Finn utters breathlessly. "Rey! Can you hear me?"

She scowls. Where is—ah, there he is. Rey looks to the foot of her bed. _Finn._ She smiles, but the smile falters. Why does he stand so far away? A fragmented train of images pass through her mind and she recalls how last they had parted. _Oh..._ Tears well up in her eyes.

"Finn," she murmurs, her voice reedy and dry. _Thirsty._ Maker, is she thirsty. "Finn, I'm so sorry." the last work breaks over her lips and the tears fall with it.

His face shifts through several emotions and then he is pushing people aside and coming to her. His arms close gently around her shoulders and he presses a kiss to her forehead. "Don't you _ever_ apologize to me again, do you hear me?"

She nods heedlessly, her mind a building storm.

 _A storm._

Where is she? The last thing she remembers is...

"I don't care. I don't care. You're back and your safe and you're awake now. Those are the only things I care about." Finn prattles on incoherently.

"Back? Back from...?" her words trail off.

 _A storm._

Finn kisses her forehead a second time and her heart freezes in her chest, everything crashing into her at once.

"Ben! Where is he? Where's Ben?" Rey bolts upright, the sharp pain attacking her skull again, but she grits through it, demanding, "Where is Ben?! Where?! Tell me!" Her voice diminishes to a screeching whisper. "I want to see him! Now!"

"Rey." Rose's hand clasps her shoulder. "He... he was lost."

"We barely made it off that planet with our lives." Lando says with lowered eyes.

"When that last explosion hit, everything went up. There was nothing but fire and you..." Rose swallows back tears. "I couldn't wake you up. I didn't know what to do. And Ben... he was just gone."

Every word is like a knife to her heart, but she refuses to acknowledge the agony they inflict. Instead, she sits up straighter, chin lifted, stubbornly adamant. Rose is not lying, but she is wrong. Ben is not lost. How can he be? She can still feel—

"There's something else." Poe speaks up for the first time. She drags her wet gaze to him and notices an awkward shift in his stance. He swallows, glancing at his shoes for an eternity before eventually muttering, "You're pregnant."

The world around her ebbs away her jaw drops open in shock and white noise fills her ears.

.

* * *

.

 _I've found the place you wanted to meet me. Remember? The ocean. The island. It's exactly like you pictured in your mind._

 _I can understand why Luke had wanted to die here. It's peaceful._

 _Are you sleeping again?_

.

* * *

.

Rey toys with the silver memory drive Maz had given her as she glances out at the celebration. _A month._ Her other hand drifts down over her belly and an overwhelming sense of protectiveness sweeps through her. They all know she refuses to accept what they feel is the truth. That Ben Solo is indeed dead.

Her eyes flit to the memory drive, then back to the laughing people outside. Tears rim her eyes and she quickly blinks them away.

With the fall of the First Order, the galaxy is experiencing an indefinite period of jubilation, shouting and dancing and even welcoming those among the survivors of the fallen regime who are willing to let go of its ideology. Everyone is rejoicing, and though Rey feels the relief of that success, she sits quietly with her saberstaff in her lap and her stare aimed at the stars.

For now, she has decided to stay. Until the celebrations are over and her friends have found new paths for themselves, she will remain. After that...

A dull pain throbs in her chest. She will miss them, but she will return. One day.

Someone knocks at her door and she rises to open it, knowing she will find Poe's reluctant face looking back at her. "Come in." she says.

"Finn told me where you were." he clarifies, looking everywhere but her.

She nods. "I suspected."

He walks over to her window. "How are you?"

"Asking how I am is not not why you came here." she declares, her tone gentle.

"No." he agrees. "But you can humor me, right?" The smile that lights his face is the first one she has seen in a long time on him and it's beautiful.

She smiles back. "I had a bout of nausea this morning. I'm better now."

"Good." he says.

Silence.

Rey walks to the opposite side of the window to watch the celebration again.

"What makes you still hold out any iota of hope?" Poe finally asks.

She takes a deep breath, letting it out in a quiet sigh. "You have instincts as well as I do, Poe. You may not be have blatant Force abilities, but you trust in whatever is inside of you to fly. You trust those instincts even when everyone else is telling you otherwise."

He stares at her, contemplating.

She shrugs. "It's the same thing."

After a moment, his smile shifts into a genuine grin. "Well, despite the past, I hope you're right."

.

* * *

.

 **PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW! I LOVE HEARING FEEDBACK!**

 **THANKS FOR READING!**

 **AND IF YOU'VE SPOTTED ANY ERRORS, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! (WRITING THIS BEAST TOOK ALL MY ENERGY.)**


	11. Epilogue: We Live Evermore

**A/N:** And here we are! The epilogue. Thanks to everyone who has stuck through this project and given the support needed to see it to it's completion. I still can't believe this was only supposed to be a one-shot. LOL! Your comments made it worth the effort, truly. Thank you. I read every single one and they all made me smile.

 **SONG INSPIRATION:** Good Enough - Evanescence

 **WARNINGS:** _MOSTLY_ SAPPY ENDING WITH LOADS OF USELESS FLUFF, OKAY. ALSO, IF YOU'RE NOT INTO ADORABLE SCENES WITH REYLO KIDDIES, THEN I SUGGEST YOU TURN BACK NOW!

.

* * *

.

It's been eight months, three days, ten hours and twenty-two minutes.

She dreamed of him again last night. He was sitting on the very meditation rock where she had sat all that time ago, Luke pressing her hands to the cold stone. Beyond him, the placid surface of the ocean sparkled and the sun shone high in the sky, creating a painful glare against his eyes. In his hand he held what looked like a star compass. The lodestone at its center drew her eyes, hypnotizing her.

 _"I miss you."_ he had whispered, a smile lighting his face.

.

* * *

.

She walks into Maz's tavern with Chewie at her side, much to Maz's immediate delight, and they hold palaver over simple things. Rey counts the seconds, all too aware of the time, of the _passing_ of time. It was the same back on Jakku before BB-8 had changed her life completely. A new shift in her path, a quickening.

At long last, Maz's eyes drift down to the roundness of her belly. "You're finally leaving."

Rey only nods.

"Your eyes are with him completely, now. Not here at all." she clicks her tongue in mild rebuke. "You will come back?"

"Yes."

"And he with you?"

Rey looks down at the small, square table they currently occupy, teeth worrying over her lower lip. "If he wishes it."

Maz chuckles. "He will."

.

* * *

.

She gathers her belongings slowly, the world around her seeming covered by a hazy, dream-like brilliance. She had woken this morning at once, the cobwebs of sleep that usually cling to her first arising thoughts conspicuously absent. Her head is clear; her choice is clear.

She packs Han's blaster last, staring at it for an eternity before tucking it away.

Finn and Rose meet her at the hangar. Chewie is already preparing the Falcon.

"How do you even know he's out there?" Finn inquires, his tone a tad sharper than he intends.

Rey purses her lips. "We've been over this, Finn."

He opens his mouth, intending another pointed question, but instead grits his teeth and asks. "When are you coming back?"

"I won't be gone forever." she promises, pausing to look at both of them. "I can't stay gone. You're my family, too."

Rose reaches out to hug her and she accepts it ardently. "I hope you find what you're looking for." Rose whispers in her ear before pecking her cheek.

Rey returns it, whispering back. "I'm going to miss you."

Finn sniffs, chin held high.

"You too, you grouch." she throws a playful glare at him.

He looks away to the ramp of the Falcon where Chewie is exiting to come and join them.

"Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to give her a damned hug?!" Rose suddenly exclaims, hands flying to her hips as she turns a critical scowl on Finn.

Relinquishing a sigh, he steps forward and beckons for Rey. She takes his embrace fiercely, hands reaching up along his back and fingers pressing into his shoulder blades.

"Poe says not to be gone too long." Finn grumbles petulantly.

She detects the disarmed softening of his voice and smiles, planting a tender kiss on his jaw. "You know I can't stay gone. I'd miss you too much."

His arms tighten. "I'd like them to see their uncle Finn before he's old and gray, you know." The admittance is a shy one, almost inaudible, and Rey kisses his jaw again.

"Have I ever broken a promise, Finn?"

He rests his chin on her shoulder, exhaling melodramatically. "No."

Rey catches the touch of a smile on Rose's face from behind them and she winks at her. Finn persists on being difficult, but his true intentions eventually shine through, always. This is hard for him, very hard, and admitting it is the hardest part yet.

He knows it's hard for her, too.

"When?" Finn asks.

"When the Force wills it." Rey returns.

Rolling his eyes, he shifts the subject. "It's not wise you going off on your own while you're..." he trails off, motioning to her midsection.

"My mother gave birth to me in the wilderness of the desert, even though she and my father never loved me." Rey intoned. "I won't be going to that same wilderness. And I will not be alone."

She steps back to allow Chewie his chance to offer his goodbyes. Then, they board the ramp. She can feel Rose's and Finn's sad eyes as they disappear into the ship and, with one final glance to her friends from the cockpit of the Falcon, Rey ascends into the stars.

.

* * *

.

The crystal blue of the ocean glimmers at her as the Falcon cuts over its surface, same as before. The day, same as before—clear, bright, scarcely a cloud in the sky. Rey stares in captivated silence at the island, her heart beating a trembling, hammering cadence in her chest. She can feel him. Maker, she can feel him!

Stepping down onto the cobbled stone, she breathes in the scent of ocean air, entranced. She sees herself as she was then, trekking up those long steps to meet the legend, the Jedi savior, Luke Skywalker. She remembers leaving him in the predawn darkness, so sure of a decision made. And she remembers his warning.

 _This is not going to go the way you think._

He was right, but she had been right, too. The tide had shifted. Everything has changed.

A rush of brown suddenly catches her attention and her heart soars free from her rib cage, powerful wings taking it into the heavens. With wide, tearing eyes she watches as the figure comes to a sudden halt only yards in front of her, his shoulders heaving, quivering, hair whipped and dancing in the breeze, and eyes glassy with excitement.

Velvet dark. _Like his mother's._

She exhales a shaky laugh, her vision blurring, the whole world shining. _He's here. He's alive._ She's known. She's always known.

His head tilts down as his gaze drifts to the roundness of her belly and his jaw falls open, the tension of his posture fading away. When he meets her eyes again, there is wonder there, terror and elation.

Rey's breath leaves her in a rush as she stumbles toward him, indifferent to all else but his face. He grabs her at once, scooping her up in his arms and holding her flush to his chest as a desperate sound escapes his throat.

"Rey." he whispers hoarsely. "Rey, Rey—

She kisses him, sealing his lips and drinking in the music of her name.

"I know." she utters headily, pulling back for only a moment.

Before he can reply, she is tasting his kiss anew, thoroughly unwilling to let him go.

.

* * *

.

Years pass and Rey knows it won't be much longer.

Like Luke, Ben has needed the solitude, the time to find the absolution from within. He still hasn't forgiven himself completely and she knows he may never be able to. She hears his mutterings at night, conversations never had with his father about little things, hopeful things. He dreams of his mother, too.

She hears those mutterings and sometimes she weeps.

Though the burden is somehow easier now. With time, she supposes, all burdens grow easier.

 _And what has she found here?_

More than a place, more than a family, she has found the answers. Perhaps not all of them, but each one will reveal itself when it needs to. It's the path, her path, and already she is looking to the stars again.

.

* * *

.

"Don't get cocky, sweetheart." Ben winks at her, the deliberate tease burrowing under her skin exactly where he wants.

Rey's teeth flash and she propels forward, swinging her stick in a low wide arc, though angling up at the very last second. Ben's awareness misses the blunt edge aimed at his knee and she lands a clean upward strike, sending a bark of pain through his leg.

He jumps back with a growl and she smiles sweetly, licking her lips.

A young boy watches with rapt attention, chestnut hair mussed and sticking in odd directions. Behind him an elfin-faced girl sits with her head tilted curiously, the sun casting a honey glow on her raven braids. The porg in her lap purrs happily.

"That, little ones, is a perfect example of how to surprise your opponent." Rey declares. "Never let them know what you're thinking."

"That's deceptive." the boy opines.

"Daddy says it's cheating." the girl adds.

Rey huffs indignantly, looking between them and back to Ben. "He only calls it that when he's losing the fight."

"And what do you call it when you're losing?" Ben cocks an eyebrow at her. "Oh yes, I remember. Unethical, wasn't it?"

Rey leaps at him in a rush, a warrior howl exiting her lips.

.

* * *

.

She has Han Solo's eyes and Ben's roguish nature, or maybe that's Han's, too. Yes, Rey thinks it is.

She watches as Ben sits silently with their daughter at his side, both of them content to watch the steady rock of the waves in the coming storm.

Her son rests idly in her arms, his velvet dark gaze drifting up to her. "Is today a special day?"

Rey glances down at him, startled by the question. "Why do you ask?"

"It's always on the same day." he says, breaking their stare and focusing on his hands. "And daddy feels sad. You feel sad."

Rey cannot find an answer, realizing the truth of his words. Today is a special day, isn't it? How could she not sense it sooner? After all these years, she had innately respected this silence, these memories of loved ones gone. And yet... Why had such an obvious thing never occurred to her?

Ben has known all along, hasn't he? _Of course he has..._

"Did someone die?"

She gasps, again startled by the child's bluntness. "What do you know of death?" she inquires carefully.

He fidgets with the hem of her blouse, his long fingers—Maker help her, he will grow into his father's stature—curling the material with no real focus. "I just... feel," he pauses, voice wavering. "Why is daddy so sad?"

She grips him close, hearing the tears balled in his throat. "That is a story only your father can tell, little love."

He looks out to his father and sister with that backdrop of grey-blue, that churning sea, that darkening storm. "Did you name me, or did daddy?"

Rey's own tears sting her vision. "Your father chose your name."

.

* * *

.

The blue of hyperspace casts each of their faces in a cool, muted light and Chewie makes an impatient grunt.

"Are we there yet?"

"Almost." Rey smirks at her daughter's impatience.

The child gives a blustering sigh from atop Chewie's knee as she slumps theatrically, her wild, tumbling hair pouring over her shoulders like shimmering rivulets of the sea in moonlight. Chewie grunts again and rests his chin mildly atop her head.

"Who is Finn?"

Ben answers their son's question before Rey has a chance to open her mouth. "FN-2187 is a bothersome trouble maker, but first and foremost he is a traitor. Do not listen to a word he says."

She glowers at him. "Don't mind your father. He's still sore about Finn holding my hand first."

"What's she talking about, daddy?"

Ben grinds his teeth, looking pointedly out the cockpit window. "Nothing."

.

* * *

.

Finn races toward her, gathering her up in his arms before he feet touch the hangar floor and planting a rough kiss along her forehead. She laughs delightedly as he swings her in a circle and pulls her deeper into the embrace.

"I told you I would come back." she whispers.

"About damn time!" he croaks out, his voice a shade deeper than she remembers.

She marvels at it, tasting its sound like tasting the wind. Pulling back, she studies his face. Laugh lines have formed around his upper lip and he sports a new scar at his left brow. Well, old for him; new for her. She touches it, tilting her head slightly.

Before she can ask where he got it, another set of faces draw her attention. Rose Tico, eyes as shrewd as ever and skin practically glowing, and to her right, a fully grayed Lando Calrissian with a dazzling grin. No amount of age could ever strip that man of his charm. Rey's eyes finally settle on Poe Dameron, situated to Lando's immediate right. He smirks at her, dark eyes glittering with mischief.

"About time you came home." Poe declares.

Rose only nods, the tears too close for her to speak.

"Yeah, I've been wanting to meet the new rabble-rousers." Lando says, his grin widening as Ben comes down the ramp with the children and Chewie in tow.

A curious though not entirely awkward silence follows his approach. Gazes shift between each other to Ben and he stands at his full height, his shoulders betraying to Rey that he holds a breath of anticipation. As he reaches the group, their son and daughter hide behind his legs, each peaking around the opposite side. All attention focuses on them and they shrink away bashfully.

Lando is the first to speak and he does not disappoint. "Welcome home, little starfighter."

Ben does not correct him. In fact, he does not say anything at all. Instead, he drags the old man into a silent hug with quaking hands.

.

* * *

.

"Han and Leia would have wanted to be here." Lando murmurs as he sits beside her, the thought leaving his lips with a heavy sigh.

Rey glances at him, her heart twisting with that familiar ache. "Luke, too." she adds.

Lando nods. "Yeah." A telltale shiver of light gathers at the corners of his eyes and he looks out to the dimming skyline. "But we're here, kid. It's enough."

"Yeah." she echoes.

"You still have that memory drive?" Lando asks.

Rey smirks. "You wanting to go with us, too? Finn has already volunteered himself."

"I'm sure Ben was _thrilled_." he snickers.

"Positively ecstatic." she snorts.

Lando glances back out to the skyline and Rey reverts to her thoughts.

It feels so long ago, that starving, desperate girl from Jakku, and she finds that she does not regret those desolate memories. Waiting for parents who never loved her was only one facet of her life and she has found that her life is vast, endless. At that she looks out to her children, her chest swelling with affection.

 _We are the ocean_ , she thinks. _And they... They will grow beyond us, ripples echoing through the ether, that lovely in-between where life never stops._

"Life never stops." she hums.

Lando looks back to her, questioning, and she shakes her head with a smile.

She watches as her children laugh and play with the people who love them. Ben's small, shy grin in the midst of Finn's boisterous yelling, Rose's griping, Chewie's groaning and Poe's delirious fits of laughter.

She chuckles, looking up to the stars. "Life never stops." she repeats, a soft whisper riding the breeze.

 _Through our love we live evermore._

.

* * *

.

 **~ - / o \ - ~**

 **THE END**

 **~ - \ o / - ~**

.

* * *

.

 ****** _The idea of twins was suggested by a friend of mine, because she thought it would be sweet._ ******

 ****** _I also chose not to name the children and only leave hints so readers can make up their own minds._ ******

. - .

 **ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!**

 **AND AN EXTRA THANK YOU FOR THE LOVELY FEEDBACK!**

 **MORE REYLO PROJECTS TO COME! STAY TUNED!**


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